A living example of Artificial Intelligence. A mind is a terrible thing to er hmmmm? A phaser on stun is like a day without orange juice. A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago. A single fact can spoil a good argument. A stitch in time would have confused Einstein. A yer ago I kudnt spel progremr now I are won. Air Geordis - TNG footwear Alex, I'll take "Things Only I Know" for $1000. All hope abandon, ye who enter messages here. All in a day's work for..."Confuse-a-Cat"! All programers are optimists. Always proofread carefully to see if you any words out. An ulcer is what you get mountain climbing over molehills. Are we having Fahrvergngen yet?? Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. As easy as 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716 As I said before, I never repeat myself. As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia. ASCII and ye shall receive. ASCII stupid questionget a stupid ANSI! But I forgot all about the Amnesia Conference!! Buy a supscription to Playboy and send it to your boss' wife Buy American! C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN DOS RUN Can you see the REAL ME, can ya?!?! CAN YA??!?!!?!?!?!?! Can't learn to do it well? Learn to enjoy doing it badly! Cars suck. CAUTION: RIDER MAY BAIL AT ANY TIME Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular. Clarvoiants meeting canceled due to unforseen events. Clones are people two. Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades! Cogito ergo spud I think therefore I yam. Come in here, dear boy, have a cigar, you're gonna go far! Committees keep minutes and lose hours. Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. Confused? Call Counselor Troi 1-900-NCC-1701: $1.95/minute CONgress (n) - Opposite of PROgress Constant change is here to stay. Contentsoftaglinemaysettleduringshipping. Copywight (c) 1993 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved. Corrupt REALITY.SYS: Reboot Universe (Y/n)? Courage atrophies from lack of use. Cyclists pump it up and crank it out. Daddy, what does "Formatting Drive C:" mean? Damn this hobby is expensive! Dance naked in front of your pets. Death benefits = oxymoron. Death is just God's way of dropping carrier. Death on two legs...you're tearin' me apart !!!! Definition of Terror: A female Klingon with PMS. Dessert? I'll take a piece of cherry. Diagonally parked in a parallel universe. Dinner Not Ready...(A)bort (R)etry (P)izza Discoveries are made by not following instructions. Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them. DO NOT REMOVE THIS TAGLINE (UNDER PENALTY OF LAW)! Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives? Do unto others BEFORE they do unto you! DOC files? We don't need NO STINKIN' DOC FILES! Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Dogs come when you call. Cats have answering machines. Don't be afraid to drive a nail in the wood! Don't drink and park...accidents cause people. Don't steal. The government hates competition. Don't take life too seriously...it's not permanent. Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice. DOS never says "EXCELLENT command or filename, Dude!" Drive A: format failure, formatting C: instead... Drive C: Error, (A)bort (R)etry (I)gnore (K)ick (S)cream Dumb luck beats sound planning every time. Trust me. Dyslexics are persona au gratin. Dyslexics have more fnu. Dyslexics of the world...UNTIE! Eagles may soar but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines! Eat Healthy, Exercise, and Die Anyway ... Efficiency takes time! Frugality: who can afford it? Energizer Bunny arrested. Charged with battery. Ensign Pillsbury: He's bread Jim! Error reading REALITY.SYS - Universe Halted Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Everyone has photographic memory...some don't have film! Everyone is entitled to my opinion. Facts Just Get In The Way And Impede Progress. Fahrvergnkie: (n) Sex in a Volkswagen. Faster than a speeding ticket! FATAL SYSTEM ERROR: Press F13 to continue... FIGHT BACK! Fill out your tax forms with Roman numerals. Floggings will continue until morale improves. For at the end of history lies the undiscovered country. For discussion only. Not to be relied upon. Forget the diet center; send yourself a candygram. General stupidity error reading drive C: Get your filthy hands off my dessert! Go shopping. Buy Stuff. Sweat in it. Return it the next day. Gravity: Not just a good idea...it's the LAW. Gun control is being able to hit your target! Handwritten on a condom machine; "This gum tastes funny" Have it OUR way. Yours is IRRELEVANT. At BORGerKing. He who asks timidly makes denial easy. He who laughs, lasts. He's not dead, Jim, he's just metabolically challenged. Hello, I am part number ޺۳ݳݳ. Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy! Help! I'm parked diagonally in a parallel universe. Hey, Worf...I hooked Data up to a Modem...Wanna see? Hi. I'll be your tagline for this evening. High message: 9434567. Message last read: 9. Honey, PLEASE don't pick up the PH$@#*&$^(#@&$^%(*NO CARRIER How come the AT&T logo looks like the Death Star? How much can I get away with and still go to heaven? I always lie. In fact, I'm lying to you right now! I am Clinton of Borg. Your income will be assimilated. I am Homer of Borg! Prepare to be...OOooooo! Donuts!!! I am. Therefore, I think. I think. I can resist everything except temptation. I hate to repeat gossip, so I'll only say this once. I remember when Saturns were rockets, not cars. I spilled spot remover on my dog, and now he's gone! I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure. I used to watch TV, then I bought a modem. I was going to procrastinate, but I put it off.... I wish life had a scroll-back buffer..... I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac! I'd like to live like a poor person with lots of money. I'm dangerous when I know what I'm doing. I'm not dead. I'm electroencephelographically challenged. I'm not lost! I'm "locationally challenged." I'm not nearly as think as you confused I am. I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this? I'm not schizophrenic. It's this guy beside me! I've used up all my sick days...so I'm calling in dead! If a tree falls on a florist, would he make a sound? If at first you don't succeed, call it v1.0! If I were you, who'd be me? If I'm gonna eat somebody, it might as well be you. If it's not broke, let me take a crack at it. If Q were castrated, would he become O? If speed scares you, try Windows... If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance. If winning isn't important then why keep score? If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand. Ifyoucanreadthis,youspendtoomuchtimefiguringouttaglines! Ignorance is temporary; stupidity is forever. Illiterate? Write for FREE HELP! Innuendo: An Italian suppository. Insanity is just a state of mind. Is this yours? Your dog left it on my lawn... It depends on which end he tries to light... It doesn't work, but it looks pretty. It is bad luck to be superstitious. It is fatal to live too long. It said "insert disk #3" - but onty two will fit... It's a tough job! ..So I'd Rather YOU do it. It's as easy as 3.14159265358979323846264338327950... It's dj vu all over again. It's Ensign Flintstone - he's Fred, Jim. It's not GEEK - it's SOCIALLY CHALLENGED, dammit! It's worse than that, it's physics, Jim! Itsdifficulttobeverycreativewithonlyfiftysevencharacters! Jesus saves...Passes to Moses..Shoots....Scores! Joseph Stalin's grave was a Communist Plot. Jumbo shrimp = oxymoron. Junk: stuff we throw away. Stuff: junk we keep. Keyboard Not Found - Press [F1] to Continue Kids-They're not sleeping, they're recharging! Let's organize this thing and take all the fun out of it. Life - brief interlude between nothingness and eternity. Locked coathanger in car. Good thing I had a key. LOTUS - Let Only The Users Suffer Luxuriantly hand-crafted from only the finest ASCII. Madness takes its toll; please have exact change. Make Headlines..use a corduroy pillow.... Make up a language and ask people for directions. Meditation is not what you Think. Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay. Minds are like parachutes, they only work when open. Multitasking causes schizophrenia.. My computer can beat your computer. My other computer is a HAL 9000. My other vehicle is a Galaxy Class Starship ... Name:޺۳ݳݳ Rank:޺۳ݳ Serial No:޺۳ NAVY: Never Again Volunteer Yourself No one EXPECTS the Spanish Inquisition!!! No wanna work. Wanna bang on keyboard. NO! Taco Bell is NOT the Mexican Phone Company! No, I'm from Iowa. I only work in Outer Space. Not a computer nerd; merely a techno-weenie. Now that I've given up hope I feel much better... Obe Wan Kenobi at the dinner table: "Use the FORKS, Luke!" Of all the things I've lost...I miss my mind the most. Of course I'm running Windows NO CARRIER Ok, I pulled the pin. Now what? Where are you going? One is never as happy or unhappy as one imagines. One tactical thermonuclear weapon can ruin your whole day. Open mouth. Insert foot. Echo internationally! Optical mice have no balls! Our necessities are few but our wants are endless... Pay your electric bill in pennies. Plasma is another matter. Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. Prune Juice. A warriors drink! Psychoceramics: The study of crackpots. Rap music = oxymoron Read the dictionary backwards and look for secret messages. Real Trekkers work out at the He's Dead Gym. Reality is for people who can't handle Star Trek. Reduce brain fat. Eat Moral Fiber. Reduce Carbon Dioxide emmissions - STOP Breathing Remember, Subaru spelled backwards is U-R-A-BUS. Romulan warbird decloaking sir[ NO CARRIER S met ing's hap ening t my k ybo rd . . Schizophrenic? I'm a bleedin' Quadrophenic! - The Who, 1972 Scotty, HURRY! Beam me ud{ՊR W #c(&NO CARRIER Sector Not Found (A)bort, (R)etry, (C)offee? Send more tourists..the last ones were delicious! Set laser printers to "stun". Shareware: forget the manual...phone the author at home! Shell to DOS...come in, DOS...do you read...over? Shh! Be vewy quiet, I'm hunting wuntime errors! Shoplifters with the runs take Clepto Bismol Show me a sane man. I'll cure him for you. Silly wabbit, .QWKs are for kids. Smilepeople will wonder what you've been up to. Some days you're a bug, other days a windshield. Some minds should be cultivated, others plowed under... Sorry, I forgot all about the Amnesia Conference! Sorrymy mind has a few bad sectors. Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (yep/Nope) Spaceman Spiff, Interplanetary Explorer! SYSTEM ERROR: press F13 to continue... Tagline Lotto: <- Scratch here for prize. The Borg assimilated me & all I got was this stupid T-Shirt! The eyes are the mirror of the soul. The future isn't what it used to be. The irony of life is that no one gets out alive... The lab called: your brain is ready. The moving cat sheds, and having shed, moves on... The only thing shorter than a weekend is a vacation. The option to override self-destruct expir@^%i@&$#NO CARRIER The road to success is under construction... The universe is a spheroid region 705 meters in diameter... The worst thing about censorship is . This is a Tagline mirror>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I have a life. C:\MARYLAND\LIFE.EXE.....See?<<<<<<<<<<<<<< Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS ALZHEIMER.COM found . . . Out of . . . something . . BOBBITT.SYS NOT FOUNDAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! BRAIN.SYS NOT FOUND!!! A)bort, R)etry, F)ail ? BREAKFAST.COM Halted .Cereal port not responding!? C code. C code run. Run code, run...please? C:\BARNDOOR\OPEN\RUN\ZIP\NOW.EXE /BLUSH CAT.COM started. Computer will furball in five seconds. COFFEE.COM not found: (A)dd more, (R)eheat, (F)reak out? COFFEE.SYS Not Found: User startup disabled. Computer possessed? Add DEVICE=EXOR.SYS to your CONFIG. COMPUTER.COM installed. SEXLIFE.EXE removed from memory. CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)? DEVICE=CATNIP.SYS <- driver for cats who compute.. /earth: file system full. Error in REALITY.SYS down, Run BIG_BANG.EXE (Y/N)? Error locating MAFIA.EXE - program not executed. Executing SENILE.COM ..ERROR: Out of Memory. Have you tried X-LAX.EXE for Windoze? cleans it right up! I have a life. C:\VIRGINIA\LIFE.EXE.....See? In your CONFIG.SYS you must specify SET BUGS=OFF MODERATR.COM FOUND RESTORE TOPIC.ON? (Y/n) Need A Lawyer? Email To: oj.simpson@lajail.com for info ODOSCAN.EXE: keeps the Quarks off of your hard drive. PARODY ERROR: Can't Find File WEIRD_AL.EXE Problem loading SENILE.COM out of memory. Questions? C:\moderatr.exe\shoot\on_sight.run Real Programmers use COPY CON PROGRAM.EXE REALITY.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot universe? (Y/N/?) SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . . SeXDrive ready. Insert SEX.EXE? (Y)(N) Technobabble limit exceeded. Del JARGON.EXE Y/N? Unable to locate REALITY.SYS - Universe halted! Unable to open LEVI.ZIP Continue TAKELEAK.EXE? (y)(N) WIFE.COM not working, MALL.EXE busy, better get $$$.BAT Use JIM_EXON.SYS to end freedom of speech and Modeming! Reality (n.): Where the pizza dude comes from. Rejection: When your imaginary friends won't talk to you. Experience: What you get when you don't get what you want. Anxiety: Nature's way of getting you up mornings. Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. Gross ignorance: 144 times worse than normal ignorance. Irony: God gave the tortoise a drag factor of .03 Deja Fu: The feeling that somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked in the head like this before. Clock: A small mechanical device to wake up people without children. Slavery: Not just a job, it's indenture! Karaoke: A Japanese word meaning "tone deaf". Sleep is a poor substitute for caffeine. Bulimic: A student on the meal plan. A conclusion is where somebody got tired of thinking. Opera: Where a guy gets stabbed in the back and sings about it. Cheerleader: A girl whose face melts near an open flame. Oxymoron: One who does not know how to use pimple medication. Chocolate: the other major food group. Capitalism: Man exploiting man. Socialism: The reverse. Canadians: The *other* Americans. Unilingual (n.): American. Haggis: The 5th state of matter. Cheating: Playing by the rules they teach in business school. Success is just a matter of luck. Ask any failure. Fundamentalism: Fund (give money) + Amentalism (without brains). Racial prejudice is a pigment of the imagination. `Normal' is a setting on a washing machine. Now (nou), adv: A moment in time that has already passed. Once (wuns), adv: Enough. Health: The slowest possible rate of dying. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. Nervous: Asking which wine goes best with fingernails. Poverty: Having too much month left at the end of the money. Childish game: One at which you cannot beat your spouse. Aibohphobia: Fear of palindromes. Public Office: The last refuge of the incompetent. Language: A dialect with an army and navy. Pizza *is* the four food groups. Boy: A noise with dirt on it. Sleep: That fleeting moment just before the alarm goes off. Modem: A deterrent to phone solicitors. Feudalism: When it's your Count that votes. Bore: One who, upon being asked how they are, tells you. Cynic: Someone who smells the flowers and looks for the casket. Floor: The place where you keep your clothes. Answer: What everybody is still looking for. Antonym: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of. Fine: Tax for doing wrong. Tax: Fine for doing fine. Witlag: The delay between delivery and comprehension of a joke. Skier: Someone who pays an arm and a leg to break them. A foot is a device for finding furniture in the dark. Anarchy: Such a good idea, it should be the law. Dogmatism: Puppyism come to full growth. Dime: A dollar after taxes. Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it. Lawyer: The larval form of a politician. A professor is someone who talks in somebody else's sleep. Work is the slow, dragging fingernail on the blackboard of life. Cafeteria: An eatery where the "catch of the day" is botulism. Poker face: The face that launched a thousand chips. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. Sushi: Known to the rest of the world as 'Bait'. Adventure is the champagne of life. Apartment: A place to store dirty laundy until you can go home to Mom. Dumb Jock (slang): A redundant expression. Disneyland: A people trap operated by a mouse. Alma Mater: Latin for 'our mutha'. Flattery is like chewing gum. Enjoy, but don't swallow. Masculine: Unable to deal with dirty diapers. Theater is like holding a mirror up to a keyhole. Cynic: A sentamentalist on guard. Life is a collection of low-probability events. Pessimist: One who complains about the noise when opporuntiy knocks. Committee: 12 people doing the work of one. Retirement is when you stop living at work and start working at life. A hobby is getting exhausted on your own time. Cult: A religion with no political power. Abstract Logic: 1. See definition 2. 2. See definition 1. Sales resistance: The triumph of mind over patter. Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep. Manners: The noises you don't make while eating soup. Federal Law: Ten thousand books explaining the Ten Commandments. Conscience: The inner voice warning you that somebody is looking. Nostalgia Buff: One who finds the past perfect and present tense. A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. Poker: A game where a good deal depends on a good deal. Cash, a poor person's credit card. Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans. Atheism is a non-prophet organisation. Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over. Golfer: One who yells "fore!", takes five and writes down three. Retirement: Twice as much husband, half as much money. School: Building with four walls and tomorrow inside. "A red spaceship on the monitor, your vileness." Calvin "Ever walk into a Denny's at 3 AM? Looks like the bar in Star Wars!" "How long will a man lie in space ere he rot?" -- Hamlet "I operate a space bar", Quark said blankly. "In space all warriors are cold warriors" - General Chang. "In space it's never `Miller Time'" - Opus "It isn't my f****** planet, monkey boy!" -- John Big Booty "Jim Beam" me up, Scotchy! There's no more booze on this planet. "May the Great Bird of the Galaxy bless you planet." - Sulu "Off Utopia Planetia; thru the DS9 airlock, nothing but net." - Jordan "Space is big, REALLY big." Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy "The Galaxy can be a dangerous place when you're on your own" - Q "The planet isn't going anywhereWE ARE!" -- George Carlin "We all come from our own little planets." Cary Grant "We are the greatest planet on Earth." - Al Gore "We're as serious as a rip in a spacesuit." - Neeoma Connally "Welcome to the Star Tours Tomorrowland Space Port -= late score: deep space 9 babylon 5 earth 2 :late score =- -= my other time/space machine is a tardis =- ...space is deep... 1 if by land, 2 if by sea, 3 if by hyperspace route. a few tiles missing from his space shuttle. a point in the space time continuum. acme space and explosives - we can put anything in orbit!!! adam was the first man in space. ah..the vastness of space and time...and i end up here. aliens from outer space sleep under my car nightly.... and you thought space was warped... another sign of the last days -- space ghost has a talk show. aquatic huge giant space hamster. at last, the eludium q36 explosive space modulator! b.a. baraccus of borg: i ain't goin' in no spaceship! b5 is the place to be, space livin' is the life for me... babylon 5: casablanca in space. Bother! said Pooh, as he ripped the fabric of Time and Space. Broke down in space? Call Scotty's Roving Repair Service! CarefulThis guy is one planet short of a full system. Chang: In space, all warriors are cold warriors. Cows ride Space Shuttle - the herd shot round the world. Deep Space 9's Mission: To boldly stay where no one has stayed before! E.V.A. Rule #6: Never annoy the astronauts *inside* the spacecraft. Elvis has left the planet. Entropy isn't what it used to be. Error NCC1701: Data transported to outer space... Even in space, booze satisfies! -- Crow T. Robot Even in the future, nothing works! - Dark Helmet from Spaceballs Exercise? I would rather be space walking! Expand your horizons - move to a bigger planet. Expand your mind; send it to space. For space is just a starry night where no suns ever rise. Format another planet(Y/N)? Found on Borg Spacecraft: MICROSOFT BORG, v.4.1. Graduate: Ferengi Business School Graduate: Klingon Military Academy Graduate: Borg Institute of Technology HYPERSPACE: For travellers sick of calculating Improbability Factors! Hang on, we're going to make space tracks! Have spacesuit, will travel. - Heinlein Have subspace modem, will telecommunicate. Have you got some reason you want my atoms scattered all over space? He only took 248 Spacebucks for lunch, gas and tolls. Heavens, did your spaceship just land yesterday??? Help Conserve the Earth - Promote Space Colonization Here I am, brain the size of a planet- Marvin Hey, Arthur! Lookee, I'm being abducted by space aliens! - The Tick Hmmm. Mine got here by spacecraft and teleportation in 1900. How can you make a spacesuit look like evening wear? Human & a salt shaker, fused into one -Crow on space suit "I am from Iowa. I only work in outer space." -Kirk I am not an alien from space reconnoitering this world. I'm one with the Universe---on a scale from 1 to 10. I know how to talk to these Space Vixens. I need a drink--where's the SPACE BAR? I'll call Spaceballs City and tell President Skroob immediately. I'm in space with a man who'd lose a battle of wits with an iguana. If God meant man to be in space, He wouldn't have given us stomach's! If I wanted a ride home, would I be trying to charter a space flight? If Intel ran StarFleet it would be Deep Space 8.999999997 If Voyager folded space, it would become the V'ger. If space is a vacuum, does that mean the Universe sucks? If space is the final frontier, what's TIME? If space is warped, time is all that's weft. If the universe is expanding, how come I can't find a parking space? If there were no such thing as gravity, the earth would fly off into space! If time and space are relatives, why don't they come to my party? If we can put men in space, why not metal in a microwave. In space no one can hear you moo. In space, no one can here you laugh!! In the spaceship, the silver space ship, the lion takes control In the vastness of space and time, why did I end up here? It waitsat the limits of time and space. It's always a nice day in outer space. Its Spaceball one! They've gone to plaid! Just another wrinkle in the fabric of time and space. LOST: 1 Iludium Pew-36 Explosive Space Modulator. Language is a virus from outer space. Leaves us drifting in space! - Rimmer Like being on LSD: Lousy Space Dramas - Crow on effects Looking for a used starship? Call the Ferengi Used SpaceShips Lot! Lost in time and lost in space and meaning. Lt. Orville, report to airlock 3, spacesuit optional. Magrathea: We build planets YOUR way. (Magrathean Commercial Council) Make Windows flyput it on the space shuttle... Meanwhile, in outer space... Mercenaries Wanted * Apply at: Union Aerospace Corporation, Phobos Mr. President, we can save the space station. We'll just tax it! My other vehicle is a Galaxy Class Starship ... Newfie astronauts do nothing but take up space in school No, I'm from outer space. I only get my E-Mail in New York. Not in this space time continuum you won't - Quark to Martis Now that we travel in space how about travelling in time? OS/2 is to the space shuttle as Windows is to a rowboat. Oh God, it's far out space nuts - Crow Oh my! I'd forgotten how much I hate space travel! Old aliens never die. They just fill in space! On the next episode of Space: Nineteen Dollars and Ninety-Nine Cents.. Outer space in a propeller plane? I think not. Quantum particles: The dreams that stuff is made of. Photons have mass? I didn't know they were catholic! Planet 98% full. Delete politicians? (Y/y) Planet Earth has been UNREGISTERED for 6,978,253,410.983 years. Planetary creation error: (A)bort, (R)etry, (E)volve? Pre-spaceflight (first age of mankind). Prepare to go into hyperspace on my mark Property of the Sontaran Army Space Corps. Riker to Data: Give the Borg Doublespaced Dos 6.0! Ross Perot Had A 2 Hour Summit With Space Aliens Save A Planet. Collect All Nine. Some people call me the Space Cowboy Sorry No Tagline!..Lost in Space... Space Alien weds two-headed Elvis-clone - Hobbes Space Ghost rulez the world! Space NOW ! Oh well, maybe later ... Space Shuttle chore: Get roadies to unload amps and drum kit. Space is an illusion, disk space doubly so. Space is curved. Either that or my car pulls to the left. Space is empty because 9/10ths of it is missing. Space panties. For that girl who thinks her ass is outta this world. Space, the final frontier0 bytes free. Space-age cybernomad. Space...the final frontier: yeah? Seen my bedroom? Spaceballs: The Tagline Spaceman Spiff, interplanetary explorer. Stone Age Minds with SPACE AGE tools... Swirled yogurt. Essential to space travel. TV Space aliens are always immune to bullets. TV Truth #1: Explosions in space make noise. That's no moon, that's a space station! - Obi Wan The Creation of the Universe was made possible by a grant from Texas Instruments. - PBS The Few. The Proud. Join the Space Marines! The Martian canals were the Martians' last ditch effort. The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's further away. The other end of the Galaxy? What could it mean? A circle has no end? Then at a deadly pace It Came From Outer Space... There's no future in time travel. There is no night in deep space, and time is a meaningless concept This planet is FULL, you must make space for additions! This isn't some Deep Space franchise! --Ivanova. Time: an illusion brought to you by the makers of space. Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, boy! Tribble like time fills empty space Turbolift button for 10-Forward? "Space Bar" of course! Used starship for sale. Call AT&T Subspace BR-549. We're holding Elvis' brain hostage on planet Zork. Alert Ted Koppel. What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A Space Invader. When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting. When you're in space, which way is up? Where are Deep Space 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8? You! What PLANET is this? Overheard at Oahu, 7 Dec 1941: "There's an unseasonal nip in the air this morning!" "A generation which ignore history has no past -- and no future." "A proper perspective about one's history is vital." -- Disraeli "A rather barbaric period in your American history." Spock "Anyone can make history. Only a great man can write it." - Oscar Wilde "Assassination has never changed the history of the world." "Does history record ANY case in which the majority was right?" "Fantasy as the bait, with history as the hook." -- Heydt "History is a better guide than good intentions." - Jean Kirkpatrick "History is a distillation of rumour." -- Carlyle "History is a nightmare from which I am trying to awake." "History is an agreed-upon set of lies." -- Napolean Bonaparte "History is philosophy from examples." -- Dionysius "History is but a tableau of crimes and misfortunes."--Voltaire "Ideology is history full of myth, but devoid of fact." "That great dust-heap called `history'." -- Birrell "The history of Liberty is the history of resistance." "The history of war is but a bloody romance." -J.F.C. Fuller "The judgement of history depends on who writes it." - Richard Nixon "To be nameless in worthy deeds exceeds an infamous history." A family history shows you have lived! A lot of history isn't fit to repeat itself. A person can be poor at history, but great on dates. A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam. A woman's life is a history of affections. Accidents cause History. And today will go down in history as Unknown. Answers for the future from a history of solutions. Atilde~The~Hun...He left his diacritical mark on history. Bard is so old that he doesn't learn history. He remembers it. Cheap way to trace your family history--run for public office. Civilization - biggest syntax error in history! Deja News...History. Difficulty is the excuse history never accepts. Do you get a complete family history when you enter Heaven? Don't touch it! It's the history eraser button you fool! Each day is a drive through history. -Jim Morrison Every mosquito bite in history was caused by a female. Every time history repeats itself the price goes up. God can't alter history, so he created historians. Happy people don't make history. - French proverb He is so old that he doesn't have to learn history. He remembers it! He who does not remember the past gets an F in History HISTORY.LIE Virus Detected - Run FEMINIZT.BAT ! HISTORY: Oldest program ever. History: A bunch of lies written by the victors. History and reality are both what you make of them. History books get it right on the second edit. History in the making is always censored. History is a continuing series of current events. History is a lame excuse for the stupid things men do. History is a one way road with all exits closed. History is everything that happens apart from weather. History is the refutation of the "moral world order." - Nietzsche History is the science of what never happens twice. History never repeats itself. At best it sometimes rhymes. History proves, Miltary Budget cuts equals economic hard times. History repeats itself, first as a tragedy, then as a farce. History repeats itself. Historians repeat each other. History repeats itself. I'll have another glass of orange juice! History repeats itself. That's one of the things wrong with it. History will be kind to me for I intend to write it. I'm not paranoid - just a student of history. In human history, most leaders prove to be good bleeders. Memoirs are the backstairs of history. Memories keep the wolf of insignificance from the door. Naked people have little influence on history. News is the first rough draft of History... Naked people have little influence on history. No country in history has ever taxed itself into prosperity. Social studies: History diluted in holy water. Soda Pop History: Ginger Aile The Joy of Sux - The History of the Electric Vacuum. The most dangerous animal in all history walks on two legs. The only thing we learn from history is that we do not learn. Those who fail to repeat history are doomed to study it. Those who will not remember the pasta are condemned to eat it. We learn from history that we do not learn from history. Your life history is stored in BIOS. "Amazing what caffeine and no sense of self-preservation can do..." "Coffee, black and strong." -- Cooper "What do you mean 'I burnt the oatmeal'? That's COFFEE!! (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail, (G)o fix the coffee 1-2-3-4 We're Sgt. Pepper'sLonely Tag Lines Band! 4 Food Groups: Coffee, Chocolate, Ice Cream, Coffee 4 food groups: Coffee, Chocolate, Sugar, and Sex. A mathematician is just a machine for turning coffee into theorems A morning without coffee is like something without something else. Another pot of coffee down the programming hatch! Captain, we're being hailed by Myra I Fox, who says: Coffee - 1 sugars - milk - and aspirin. Coffee and cigarettes: The first two peripherals! Coffee and Echo mail are my second and third favorite things in the AM. Coffee doesnt cause cancer --------Water does!!! Coffee flavored cigarettes: kill yourself twice as fast. Coffee in England is just toasted milk. Coffee is good food. Coffee line forms here. Take a number. Coffee not found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)all asleep Coffee sweetend with NO-DOZ...Programmers' fuel... COFFEE.COM not found: A)dd more, R)eheat F)reak out COFFEE.EXE not found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)all asleep COFFEE.POT Not Found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic? COFFEE.POT not found; kill (E)verybody (S)elected bodies (Y)ou? Decaff: Use it to sober up after drinking non-alcoholic beer! Decaffeinated coffee is like kissing your sister. Decaffeinated coffee? Just Say No. Decaffeinated coffee? Kinda like kissing your sister. Decaffinated coffee? What's the point of THAT!? Disclaimer: Written by a highly caffeinated mammal. Do not drink coffee in the morning or it will keep you awake until noon. Don't talk to me until I've had my second cup of coffee Drink your coffee! There are poor people in India sleeping! Everybody should believe something: I believe I'll have more coffee. Everything I know, I learned from coffee. Get me some coffee and ask me again in ten minutes. I can build a cheesecake out of limestone & coffee in under 5 minutes. I eat coffee straight from the can. Why dilute it? I suggest you stay away from the coffee there buddy! Instant Human: Just Add Coffee... Is there life before coffee? Life begins after coffee! Life's too short for bad coffee. Love & scandal are coffee's best sweeteners. Make another pot of coffee...I'm gonna read mail Man does not live by coffee alone. Have a danish. Message brought to you by sufficient coffee ingestion. Mindless ramblings brought to you courtesy of much caffeine. My God! It's full of coffee! Never drink coffee that's been anywhere near a fish. One Nation, with Liberty, Large Fries, and a Coffee to go! Operator out of coffee...taglines may become irrational... Oxymoron: Decaffeinated coffee Pablo and Gibsons coffee brings a new meaning to the word vomit. Red eye special-A double espresso with a shot of coffee. Rule #5: Everyone must buy coffee for Jenny. Severe Error 102: Insufficient Coffee, Operator Halted. Sleep is a poor substitute for coffee. Syntax Error in KITCHEN.EXE: COFFEE not found. The four food groups: coffee, ice cream, beer and pizza. There's too much blood in my caffeine-stream. This is your brain on drugs, toast and coffee This isexcuse my languagedamn good coffee. Transporter room, beam that tagline up immediately! Try cooling coffee by holding it closer to your heart. Ultimate office automation: Networked coffee machines! Unable to locate Coffee -- Operator Halted! We did, and here are ours: stand by to beam them aboard. When serving coffee to tricks use paper cups! Both are Disposable! Where does the brown go from the coffee when you drink it? Your fighter doesn't get bonuses because he drinks coffee. Aerobics Center: We specialize in Droop Therapy. Appliance Store: If you have hang-ups, you need one of our dryers. Auto Repair Shop: We specialize in Lemon-Aid. Cabinet Maker: The best Counter-Fitter in town. Electrical Repair: Lets us remove your shorts. Maternity Shop: We provide the accessories after the fact. Travel Agency: Let us show you our bag of treks. Water Bed Store: Your vinyl resting place. Wine Shop: Come in and sip into something more comfortable. Propane Dealer: Tank heaven for little grills. Pumber: Best place to take a leak. Plumber: You can find us under Water in the yellow pages! Las Vegas Plumber: All of our flushes are Royal! Confucius always saying that. Perhaps Confusious say too damn much ? Confucius not know what to say! Confucius of Borg: Assimilate others who you would want to assimilate you. Confucius say: (with cold) Man who kwitisize moduwator get node bwoke. Confucius say: All blonde not blonde by cracky Confucius say: All men eat, but Fu Manchu. Confucius say: America Good Place to Put Chinese Restuarant. Confucius say: Australia Good Place to Put Chinese Restaurant. Confucius say: Baby ill-conceived in automatic car shiftless bastard. Confucius say: Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk! Confucius say: Before becoming master fisherman, must be master baiter. Confucius say: Better to sleep with chicken than to choke it. Confucius say: Bird in hand makes hard to blow nose Confucius say: Blonde who fly upside down have crack up. Confucius say: Boiling water is very hot! Confucius say: Boy & girl go camping together sure to have naughty intent. Confucius say: Boy fool with girl in wrong period get caught red handed. Confucius say: Boy go to bed with sex problem wake up, solution in hand. Confucius say: Boy who diddle little girl do diddly squat. Confucius say: Boy with hole in pocket, feel cocky all day. Confucius say: Cat who walk on keyboard wind up in Chinese wok! Confucius say: Chemist who fall in acid get absorbed in work. Confucius say: Confucius say too damn much! Confucius say: Crowded elevator smell different to midget. Confucius say: Do unto others what you think is funny. Confucius say: Don't judge book by cover, but by how thick it is. Confucius say: Don't quote me with stupid accent. Confucius say: Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert. Confucius say: Find old man in dark, not hard! Confucius say: Girl at bachelor pad for snack get tidbit Confucius say: Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy. Confucius say: Girl who fly upside down have crack up. Confucius say: He who chases car will get exhausted. Confucius say: He who dies with the most Taglines, wins. Confucius say: He who eat cookies in bed, will wake up feeling crumby. Confucius say: He who eats ice cream in car is a Sundae Driver Confucius say: He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons. Confucius say: He who fishes in another man's well often catches crabs. Confucius say: He who keeps both feet planted firmly on ground, have trouble getting pants off. Confucius say: He who lives in glass house have very large drapery bill. Confucius say: He who pass gas in church must sit in own pew. Confucius say: He who pull out too fast leave rubber behind. Confucius say: He who puts face in punch bowl get punch in nose. Confucius say: He who refuses to listen is lying. Confucius say: He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise. Confucius say: He who sniffs Coke, drowns. Confucius say: He who stand on toilet is high on pot. Confucius say: He who stands in corner with hands in pocket, feels nuts. Confucius say: He who stick head in open window gets pane in neck. Confucius say: He who stick head in oven gets baked bean Confucius say: He with no taglines is deprived Confucius say: Hockey player on ice have big stick Confucius say: House without toilet is uncanny. Confucius say: I didn't say that! Confucius say: If chain still swinging seat will be warm. Confucius say: If rooted in confusion, nothing will be well governed. Confucius say: If you park, don't drink, accidents cause people Confucius say: If you turn an oriental around, he become disoriented. Confucius say: If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient Confucius say: Is good to learn how to masturbate, may come in handy! Confucius say: Is more to running BBS than finding ON. Confucius say: Is stuffy inside fortune cookie. Confucius say: It takes a lot of balls to make a football team. Confucius say: It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it. Confucius say: It's OK to meet girl in park, much better to park meat in girl! Confucius say: Janitor who clean by day clean bidet today. Confucius say: Keeping it in family sure sound incestuous. Confucius say: Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing. Confucius say: Lady who go camping must beware of evil intent. Confucius say: Lady who live in glass house, dress in basement! Confucius say: Look for helping hand on end of own arm. Confucius say: Man and mouse alike, both end up in pussy. Confucius say: Man kicked in testicles, is left holding bags. Confucius say: Man should never straddle barbed wire fences. Confucius say: Man that have sex with hole in ground have piece on earth. Confucius say: Man trapped in pantry have butt in jam. Confucius say: Man trapped in whore house get jerked around Confucius say: Man who abuse his computer get bad bytes! Confucius say: Man who argue with wife all day get no peace at night. Confucius say: Man who buy drowned cat must pay for stinking wet pussy. Confucius say: Man who chase cars get exhausted. Confucius say: Man who drive like hell bound to get there! Confucius say: Man who drop watch in whisky is wasting time. Confucius say: Man who eat jellybean fart in technicolor. Confucius say: Man who eat many prunes get good run for money. Confucius say: Man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet many moons. Confucius say: Man who eats photo of father, soon spitting image of father. Confucius say: Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self. Confucius say: Man who fart in church sit in his own pew! Confucius say: Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night! Confucius say: Man who finger girl having period may get caught red handed. Confucius say: Man who get hit by car, get that run down feeling. Confucius say: Man who get paid pick up chick. Confucius say: Man who go out with flat chested woman feel shallow. Confucius say: Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake with smelly finger. Confucius say: Man who go to bed with sex on mind wake up with solution in hand Confucius say: Man who has hand down mans pants, not feeling himself today. Confucius say: Man who has woman on ground has piece on earth! Confucius say: Man who have circumcision lose a bit of foresight. Confucius say: Man who jump off cliff jump to conclusion! Confucius say: Man who jump through window screen, strain self. Confucius say: Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants Confucius say: Man who keeps nose to grindstone end up with flat face. Confucius say: Man who lay girl on hill not on level. Confucius say: Man who lay woman on ground have peace on earth. Confucius say: Man who lifts stones off woman get rocks off Confucius say: Man who live in glass house should dress in basement. Confucius say: Man who live in glass house W/No Basement, STINKS! Confucius say: Man who lose key to girlfriend's house get no new key. Confucius say: Man who marries a girl with no bust, feel low down. Confucius say: Man who masturbate into cash register, soon come into money. Confucius say: Man who masturbate only screwing himself Confucius say: Man who mess with steamroller flat out lose! Confucius say: Man who polish knob play pocket pool. Confucius say: Man who pull out too fast leave rubber. Confucius say: Man who pull out too soon get hit in rear end. Confucius say: Man who pushes piano down mine shaft get A flat miner. Confucius say: Man who put cock on stove have hot rod. Confucius say: Man who put cream in tart, not really a baker. Confucius say: Man who put face in punchbowl get punch in nose. Confucius say: Man who put foot in mouth get athlete's tongue. Confucius say: Man who put hand in pocket feels cocky all day Confucius say: Man who put head in dryer bound to get sock in the mouth! Confucius say: Man who put head on railroad track get splitting headache. Confucius say: Man who put rooster in freezer over night have frozen cock. Confucius say: man who read woman like book, prefer braille! Confucius say: Man who run behind car get exhausted. Confucius say: Man who scratch butt should not bite fingernails! Confucius say: Man who screw girl on hillside not on level. Confucius say: Man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's sink Confucius say: Man who sit on hot stove will rise again. Confucius say: Man who sit on tack get point! Confucius say: Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night Confucius say: Man who sleeps with old hen finds it's better than pullet. Confucius say: Man who smoke pot choke on handle. Confucius say: Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands. Confucius say: Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss baloons. Confucius say: Man who stands on toilet seat is high on pot. Confucius say: Man who step in it often say it. Confucius say: Man who stick face in punchbowl get punch in nose. Confucius say: Man who sucks nipples makes clean breast of things. Confucius say: Man who take lady on camping trip have one intent. Confucius say: Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out! Confucius say: Man who walk through door sideways is going to Bangkok. Confucius say: Man who who put cock on stove have hot rod. Confucius say: Man with an unchecked parachute will jump to conclusion. Confucius say: Man with athletic finger make broad jump. Confucius say: Man with forked tongue not need chop sticks. Confucius say: Man with hand in bush not necessarily trimming shrubs. Confucius say: Man with hole in both pockets not feel too cocky! Confucius say: Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day. Confucius say: Man with holes in pockets feels nuts. Confucius say: Man with no legs bums around. Confucius say: Man with one chopstick go hungry. Confucius say: Many men smoke but Fu Manchu. Confucius say: Mind's journey begins with a single Why? Confucius say: Never trust men with short legs, brains too near the bottom. Confucius say: Never trust woman who uses phrase eager beaver Confucius say: Nothing. Because he's dead! Confucius say: Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it Confucius say: People having gift for gab know not how to wrap it up. Confucius say: People who quote me are fools! Confucius say: Place to look for helping hand is end of own arm. Confucius say: Preserve wildlife - pickle a hedgehog! Confucius say: Put rooster in freezer to get a stiff cock Confucius say: Quit quoting me, you blubbering twit! Confucius say: Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance. Confucius say: Rotten wood cannot be carved. Confucius say: Show off always shown up in showdown. Confucius say: Stop quoting me! Confucius say: Support bacteria; it's the only culture some people have! Confucius say: The early worm has a death wish... Confucius say: The essence of knowledge is, having it, to use it. Confucius say: The hand that turneth the knob, opens the door. Confucius say: Those who make love in strawberry patch have butt in jam. Confucius say: Those who quote me are fools Confucius say: To prevent hangover stay drunk! Confucius say: Too darn much! Confucius say: Virgin with thimble on finger never feel prick. Confucius say: Virginity like balloon, one prick, all gone. Confucius say: Wallflower at party is dandelion in bed. Confucius say: War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left. Confucius say: Wash your face in the morning, neck at night. Confucius say: Watched Tandy Never Boots! Confucius say: What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others. Confucius say: When in doubt, whip it out Confucius say: When lady say maybe, she mean yes. Confucius say: When lady say no, she mean maybe. Confucius say: When lady say yes, she no lady. Confucius say: While others are inside sitting down, you will be outstanding. Confucius say: Why did Confucius always speak in English? Confucius say: Why do Chinese philosophers always try to Confucius? Confucius say: Wife for life is better than wife for strife Confucius say: Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house. Confucius say: Woman cook carrots and peas in same pot not sanitary. Confucius say: Woman is like jazz music, 3/4 jazz time and 1/4 rag time. Confucius say: Woman run faster with skirt up, than Man with pants down. Confucius say: Woman seek equality with man - no ambition. Confucius say: Woman who cook carrots and peas in same pot not sanitary! Confucius say: Woman who dance wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom. Confucius say: Woman who douches with vinegar have sour puss. Confucius say: Woman who eat banana get cream in mouth Confucius say: Woman who flies upside down always has crack up. Confucius say: Woman who pounce on dead rooster go down on limp cock. Confucius say: Woman who put detergent on top shelf, Jump for Joy. Confucius say: Woman who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat-house. Confucius say: Woman who spend much time on bedspring have offspring. Confucius say: Woman who wear G-string, high on crack! Confucius say: Woman with bleached blonde hair have black hair by cracky Confucius say: Women and elephants never forget an injury. Confucius say: Work to become, not to acquire #= User is pro-nuclear war "34? War is good for business" - Quark "A great warrior? Wars not make one great." - Yoda "A man-of-war is the best ambassador." -Oliver Cromwell "A war put off is not a war avoided." - Charlton Heston "All warfare is based on deception." - Sun Tzu, The Art of War "Dive-bombed, napalmed, nuclear warheaded..." "Do you see anything good coming out of this war?"-"Me. Alive."-Hawk "Dogs of war, and men of hate, with no cause, we don't discriminate" "In space, all warriors are cold warriors." - Chang "In war there is no substitute for victory." - Douglas MacArthur "It is war that shapes peace, and armament that shapes war." -Fuller "Make deals, not war." - Swindle "Moderation in war is imbecility." Admiral John Fisher "My angels and my demons at war" "No God, no war. Know God, know war" "Patriotism...is the egg from which wars are hatched." -de Maupassant "Peace is an extension of war by political means." - Heinlein "The First Law of War: Never get involved in a land war in Asia." "The Second Law of War: Never march on Moscow!" "The Third Law of War: Never *ever* attack the United States." "The United States has much to offer the third world war." "The War on Drugs" - America's latest Vietnam. "The fear of war is worse than war itself." -Seneca "Then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade towards thy foe" "There is nothing so subject to the inconstancy of fortune as war." "There is no good war or bad peace." B. Franklin "There'll always be another war." -- Frank Burns "There's only one truth about war: people die." - Sheridan "This means war!" "I thought it meant touchdown?" - Animaniacs "This was a great war until you guys showed up."-Burns, to Trap & Hawk "To have good soldiers, a nation must always be at war." -Napoleon "To live is to war with trolls." * Henrik Ibsen "WAR : We Are Right" - Chief Elder, Pangaea "War and whiskey don't mix." -- General Steele "War doesn't determine who's right War determines who's left" "War hath no fury like a noncombatant's." - Montague "War is a matter of vital importance to the state." -Sun Tzu "War is an organized bore." -Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. "War is nothing but a duel on a larger scale." -Clausewitz "War is peace." - George Orwell's 1984 "War is the playground of the ignorant." -- Highbrow "War is the science of destruction." -Abbott "War is the usual condition of Europe." -Kropotkin "War is...a trinity of violence, chance, and reason." -Clausewitz "War isn't a good life, but it's life." - Kirk "War would end if the dead could return." - Stanley Baldwin "War's a dirty game - and I'm a dirty player!" - Blades, Autobot "War. All that running around and shooting one another." "What if the enemy got this?" - Frank. "We'd win the war." - Potter "What if they had a war, and only chickens came ?" 'Myth-conceptions are the major cause of wars!' - A. Hitler 5 second grenade fuses will burn down in 3 seconds. 'Murphy A good shotgun prepares you for the game of war. A nuclear war can ruin your whole day A war worth waging is one against the poverty of ideas After World War III, only roaches and lawyers will survive. All missile, no warhead. All of life is a war. Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing. 'Murphy Arch Duke Ferdinand found alive! First World War a mistake! Armed Citizenry: Ultimate Bulwark against Tyranny! Army food: The spoils of war. Ban the bomb! Save the world for conventional warfare. Bartucis: Movie about a spikey-haired Roman Warrior. Beer math: 2 beers * 37 men = 49 cases. 'Murphy Body-count math: 3 bodies + 1 maybe + 2 pigs = 37 enemy KIA. 'Murphy Buy Israeli War Bagels Civil War is an oxymoron Coming Soon to a Theater of War Near You: Desert Storm II! Cry *squeek* and let loose the ferrets of war! Cry Havoc! And let slip the taglines of war... W. Tagspeare Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war! --Shakespeare. Diplomacy: the delicate weapon of the civilized warrior. Do the words 'act of war' mean anything to you? Don't look conspicuous - it draws fire. 'Murphy Don't worry about the war. It's all over but the shooting. Draft beer, not people. Dreams of war, dreams of liars, dreams of dragon's fire. Even a war unicorn can't stand up to demononic halitosis. - Aahz Fat Wars: May the Sauce Be With You. Friendly fire - isn't. 'Murphy I was a war baby. My parents took a look at me and started fighting. I'm starting a War for Peace! If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid. 'Murphy If the enemy can't get in, you can't get out. 'Murphy If the enemy is in range, SO ARE YOU! 'Murphy If you are forward of your position, the artillery will fall short. 'Murphy If you are short of everything but enemy, you are in combat. 'Murphy If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush. 'Murphy Imagination is our only weapon in the war against reality. In a war whose escalation eradicates civil liberties, go for the win! In an atomic war, all men will be cremated equally. In case of nuclear war, prayer in schools will be okay. In love there are two evils: war and peace. - Horace, 65-8BC In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage. In the next Nuclear war, will we know all the bomb's names? In time of war the laws are silent. - Cicero Incoming fire has the right of way. 'Murphy It's a sad fact that we can secure peace by preparing for war Make Love, Not War. Get Married & Do BOTH! Murphy was a grunt. 'Murphy Never forget your weapon was made by the lowest bidder. 'Murphy No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection. 'Murphy No plan survives the first contact intact. 'Murphy Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support. 'Murphy Remember the cold war? How pre-millennial! Remember when a trojan was a warrior? Stop trying to bring the war in under budget. - BJ to Maj. Burns Suppressive fires - won't. 'Murphy The best thing about war is the end of it The diversion you are ignoring is the main attack. 'Murphy The easy way is always mined. 'Murphy The important things are always simple. 'Murphy The side with the simplest uniforms wins. 'Maj Mark Cancian The simple things are always hard. 'Murphy The only drawback of total nuclear war is $#@#%^NO CARRIER The only real winner of the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky. The tragedy of war is using man's best to do man's worst There's a war on and we've no time for violence. - Frank Burns Tracer rounds work BOTH ways. 'Murphy Try to look unimportant, the bad guys may be low on ammo. 'Murphy WAR, n. A by-product of the arts of peace. WAR: Fight 'em, whip 'em -- feed 'em and finance 'em. WAR: Hi-tech natural selection. War is God's way of teaching us geography. When both sides think they will lose, they're both right. 'Murphy When in doubt; empty the magazine. 'Murphy When you have secured an area, ensure you tell the enemy. 'Murphy In a world without walls and fences - who needs windows and gates?! Computers are like air conditioners, they stop working properly if you open Windows. My SPARCstation has air condition. No need to open windows. Never trust an operating system you don't have sources for. "Windows for dummies", another term of "this sentence no verb" Microsoft broke Volkswagen's world record: Volkswagen only made 22 million bugs! IBM creates Operating Systems - MS-DOSn't Have you reinstalled your Windows today? Windows 95 the most popular virus on the market today. Windows95 - Plug and pray... Windows - The colorful clown suit for DOS Windows - a solitaire game that requires 16 MB and HD Windows - The best $89 solitaire game you can buy Windows - so intuitive you only need a meg of help files! If Windows is user-friendly, why do you need a 678-page manual? "Fer sail cheep, Windows spel chekcer, wurks grate" Windows =Waste in DOS WorkSpace Bang on the LEFT side of your computer to restart Windows Alt-F4. Just do it. C:\ONGRTLNS.W95 Double your drive space: Delete Windows! Microsoft is to Software as McDonalds is to Cuisine Does someone know the cheats for Windows95? This is an airconditioned room - Do not open Windows! This virus requires Microsoft Windows 3.x OS/2 VirusScan -- "Windows found: Remove it? [Y,Y]" Favorite Windoze game: "Guess what this icon does?" Windows95 - crash compatible on Windows 3.x Windows NT - Nice Try Windows - a virus with mouse support Windows is for fun, OS/2 is for getting things done Windows vs OS/2 = Michael Jackson vs Mike Tyson Windows95 is out! (PC Magazine, April 2013) Windows95: New look, same multicrashing Windows95 will be released as soon as Windows 3.1 finishes loading Windows95 - Every function is a restart function... Windows95 does really have preemptive Multitasking: It can boot and crash at the same time. Windows NT - Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty Windows NT? New Technology? I don't think so... Windows - Just another pain in the glass Windows - Turn your Pentium into an XT... Windows - The Gates of hell Windows - From the people who brought you EDLIN! Windows - a XT emulator for an AT If Windows sucked it would be good for something DOS is just an operating system that runs Windows 3.1 DOS 6.0 and Windows 3.1 - A turtle and its shell Windows Multitasking - screwing up several things at once Windows found - remove? (Y)es (S)ure (F)ine (O)K Windows has the ability to screw up 2 things at the same time! If I wanted Windows, I'd live in a greenhouse! 68.Microsoft's marketing: "Windows is SEMI-shareware" Are you using Windows or is that just an XT? Have you crashed your Windows today? Relax... you are entering a windows free zone OS/2... Opens up Windows, shuts up Gates New from McAfee: WinScan - Removes all Windows programs New Windows 4.0: programmed in Turbo Logo++ My latest screen saver: Curtains for Windows Masochist: Windows programmer with a smile! I'll never forget the 1st time I ran Windows, but I'm trying... I still miss Windows, but my aim is getting better Father, forgive me, I've been caught using Windows... Exhibitionists love Windows Despite my car having windows, it still isn't mouse driven! Bang on the LEFT side of your computer to restart Windows Breaking Windows isn't just for kids anymore... Beat me, whip me, make me use Windows! A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle Difference between a virus and windows? Viruses rarely fail. Time on your hands? Get Windows! Hiroshima '45 - Tschernobyl '86 - Windows '95 What's the best of Windows95? The deinstaller! Mouse not present - click twice to continue... Who the fuck is General Failure? And why is he reading my harddisk? Windows NT: Nice Try Windows NT: Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty The nice thing about Windows is - It does not just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you press 'OK' first. The word "Windows" is a word out of an old dialect of the Apaches.
It means: "White man staring through glass-screen onto an hourglass..." Life without danger is a waste of oxygen. Never run after buses or women: you'll always get left behind. ERROR 406: file corrupt: config.earth -- reboot universe? (Y/N) "I am logged in, therefore I am." The truth is out there? Anyone knows the URL? Old programmers never die; they just give up their resources. God invented man because Eve's vibrator ran out of batteries. God invented Women because he wanted a good laugh. My wife ran away with my best friend. I sure miss him. Half of the people in the world are below average. Life in a vacuum sucks. What method does Kurt Cobain use to collect his thoughts? A spatula. RUNTIME ERROR 6D at 417A: 32CF: Incompetent user "Calm down. It's only ones and zeros." To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so. (001) Logic Error CLINTON.SYS: Truth table missing Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear. (D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza. Canadian DOS prompt: EH?\> Computers can never replace human stupidity Politics: Poli (many) - tics (blood sucking parasites) You'll get what's coming to you ... Unless mailed You're only young once; you can be immature f'ever On a tombstone: "I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK" Your E-Mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk? I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got! We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake! He who laughs last thinks slowest! I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming, terrified, like his passengers. When there's a will, I want to be in it. "Charlie was a Chemist, but Charlie is no more. What Charlie thought was H20 was H2SO4." "Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's hand grenades I throw..." "I tried to think but nothing happened!" - Curly "Suicide Hotline...please hold." "To err is human, to forgive....$5.00" Tis better to be thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt. (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened... Bugs come in through open Windows. A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it. A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing. A pessimist is never disappointed. All life's answers are on TV. - Bart Simpson All work and no play, will make you a manager. Alone: In bad company. Always glad to share my ignorance - I've got plenty. Always proof-read carefully to see if you any words out. As I said before, I never repeat myself. BREAKFAST.COM Halted... Cereal Port Not Responding. Barium: what you do with dead chemists. Black holes really suck... Blessed are the pessimists, for they make backups! Blessed is the end-user who expects nothing, for ye shall not be disappointed. Brain dysfunction detected... Brain over - Insert coin Breathing may be hazardous to your health. COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer. Chess players mate better. Computer Lie #1: You'll never use all that disk space. Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime? Do not disturb. Already disturbed! Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected? Don't confuse me with facts, my mind's already made up! Don't talk unless you can improve the silence. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. FATAL SYSTEM ERROR: Press F13 to continue... Facts are stubborn things. Feel lucky???? Update your software! Follow-ups to alt.nobody.really.cares Gravity doesn't exist. Earth sucks. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional!! H lp! S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd! How do you make Windows faster ? Throw it harder I am built for comfort, not speed! I don't care who you are, Fatso. Get the reindeer off my roof! I don't have a solution but I admire the problem. I had a life once... now I have a computer and a modem. I think, therefore I am. I think. I think. Therefore I am DANGEROUS. I tried switching to gum but I couldn't keep it lit. I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect. I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing. I've got to sit down and work out where I stand. If I save the whales, where do I keep them? If I save time, when do I get it back ? If at first you don't succeed, put it out for beta test. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. If in doubt, make it sound convincing. If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing. If it works, tear it apart and find out why! If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? If you're not confused, you're not paying attention. In case of emergency, break glass. Scream. Bleed to death Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids. It said "Insert disk #3", but only two will fit! It's not just a hobby, it's an obsession! Just do it. Just did it. Just do me. Just what part of "NO" didn't you understand...? Justice: A decision in your favour. Kill them all! ... Let God sort them out. Love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener. My message above. Your response here ____________. NETWORK: What fishermen do when not fishing. Never assume. It makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me". Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fist! Pi R squared. Nooo! Pie R round, cornbread R square! So many lawyers, so few bullets. So many pedestrians, so little time. Socialism is the equal distribution of poverty. Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (yep/Nope) Stay Alert. Stay Awake. Stay Alive. Suicide is the most sincere form of self criticism. Take my advice, I don't use it anyway. The rich get richer; the poor get babies. The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions. This is just a hobby. Perfection is not required. Fun is. This score just in: OS/2, Windows 0. Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again! Truthful: Dumb and illiterate. Was today really Necessary? Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray What has four legs and an arm? A happy pitbull. Who is "they" anyway? Why are you looking down here? The joke is above! Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. You can't have everything...where would you put it? hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY? Life is a sexually transmitted disease with 100% mortality. If you think sex is a pain in the ass, you're doing it wrong. Ya know...I always look for inner beauty in a woman. Once inner...beauty! Sex is like a bridge game: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand. A recent study says that 90% of men masturbate in the shower: The other 10% sing.
Do you know what they sing? No! Oh, really?! I wonder what you do in the shower! If Clinton is the answer it must been a stupid question. Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips. I may be fat, but your ugly - I can lose weight! Assassins do it from behind! Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control! Old musicians don't die... they just decompose. God may have made man first, but there is always a ruff draft before a final copy. The only real difference between an oral and rectal thermometer is the taste. I did a drot of lugs in college, I hink I thave dain bramage. Lottory: A tax on people who don't understand statistics. Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. A man is not complete until he is married -- then he is finished. Marriage is not a word: it is a sentence. Im not as think as you drunk i am. I have the heart of a child. I keep it in a jar. Eat shit! A million flies can't be wrong. You show the sensitivity of a Medieval Dentist. Life is not a cabaret. It's a fucking circus. Here's to all the kisses I've snatched, and vice versa... Born an Asshole (The rest grew later) Jesus is coming, look busy Heaven won't have me and Hell's afraid I'll take over. I'm so thirsty I'd lick the water out of Clinton's diarrhea... I'm sorry if I grossed you out. I shouldn't have used Clinton.. Same shit, different day. To Err is human, to forgive is simply not our policy. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS. For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord. Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression The name is Baud... James Baud. BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go! E Pluribus Modem ... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue... ASCII a stupid question, get a stupid ANSI! We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. "Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes!" Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer. Never trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway. VENI, VIDI, VISA - I CAME, I SAW, I SHOPPED Hold a hard drive to your ear -- listen to the C: Jesus Saves -- passes to Moses, shoots, SCORES! Jesus Saves! Moses Invests! To err is human; To moo is bovine. Due to the outbreak of aids, employees will no longer be permitted to kiss the boss's ass. Having a Smoking Section in a restaurant is a little like having a Peeing Section in a pool! A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. REHAB is for quitters. Men are like toilets: the good ones are taken, the rest are full of shit. Death to all fanatics! Conserve energy... fart in a jar. It's all fun and games,'till someone loses an eye! Then it's a *SPORT* Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit. Single women can't fart: You have to get married to have an asshole. Two thirds of Americans can't do fractions. The other half, just doesn't care. There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't. I'm so horny, even the crack of dawn looks good. Menstruation, Menopause, Mental Breakdowns... ever notice how all our problems begin with Men? Concorde: Breakfast in London - Lunch in New York - Luggage in Bombay Chemist who fall in acid, absorbed in work. Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy. If you park, don't drink, accidents cause people. It easier to meet girl in park than park meat in girl. 9 out of 10 men who try Camels prefer women. Flies spread disease -- Keep yours closed! Follow that car, Godzilla -- and step on it! Electricians do it till it Hz. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either. Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege. We take drugs very seriously at my house. FAQ (fah-Q) Its hard to get a "head" in the world... Support wildlife... throw parties! 1024x768x256... Sounds like one mean woman. Contraceptives: To be used on all conceivable occasions. f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng. OLD ACADEMICS never die, they just lose their faculties OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just lose their balance OLD ACCOUNTS never die, they are deleted OLD ACTORS never die, they just drop a part OLD ALCAHOLICS/DRUG ADDICTS never die, they just get wasted OLD ANTHROPOLOGISTS never die, they just become history OLD ARCHERS never die, they just bow and quiver OLD ARCHITECTS never die, they just lose their structures OLD ASSETS never die, they just depreciate OLD ASTRONAUTS never die, they just go to another world OLD ATOMS never die, they just decay OLD BANKERS never die, they just lose interest OLD BANKERS never die, they just want to be a loan OLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they just go batty OLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they just run their last lap OLD BASKETBALL players never die, they just go on dribbling OLD BEEKEEPERS never die, they just buzz off OLD BIKERS never die, but they're hard on tires OLD BIOLOGISTS never die, they just ferment away OLD BLONDES never fade, they just dye away OLD BOOKKEEPERS never die, they just lose their figures OLD BOOKS never die, they just go out-of-print OLD BOWLERS never die, they just end up in the gutter OLD BRAKES never die, they just grind down OLD BRIDGE PLAYERS never die, they just lose their finesse OLD BRIDGE PLAYERS never die, they just sit around on their fat aces OLD BUDGETS never die, they are fillibustered OLD BUREAUCRATS never die, they just waste away OLD BURGLARS never die, they just steal away OLD BUSINESSES never die, they just get consolidated OLD CANNERS never die, they are preserved OLD CARS never die, they just get run into the ground OLD CASHIERS never die, they just check out OLD CHAUFFEURS never die, they just lose their drive OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just do it inorganically OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just fail to react OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just lose their refluxes OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just reach equilibrium OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just smell that way OLD CLEANING PEOPLE never die, they just kick the bucket OLD COMPOSERS never die, they just decompose OLD COMPUTER PEOPLE never die, they just lose their memory OLD COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte the dust OLD COOKS never die, they just get deranged OLD COURIERS never die, they just keep on EXPRESSing it! - OLD CREDIT CARDS never die, they just expire OLD CRICKETERS never die, they just get bowled over OLD CRICKETERS never die, they just get smashed for six OLD DANCERS never die, they just step away OLD DAREDEVILS never die, they just get discouraged OLD DEANS never die, they just lose their faculties OLD DENTISTS never die, they just lose their pull OLD DIETERS never die, they just waist away OLD DIVERS never die, they just extend their bottom time OLD DIVERS never die, they just flop OLD DIVERS never die, they just get board OLD DIVERS never die, they just lose their spring OLD DOCTORS never die, they just lose their patience OLD EDITORS do it with a red pen OLD ELECTRICAL ENGINEERS never die, they just have slower rise times OLD ELECTRICIANS never die, they just do it until it Hz OLD ELECTRICIANS never die, they just lose contact OLD ENERGIZER BUNNIES never die, they go on, and on, and on... OLD ENGINEERS never die, they just lose their bearings OLD ENGLISH MAJORS do it with Strunk and White OLD ENVIRONMENTALISTS never die, they are just recycled OLD ESKIMOES never die, they just get cold feet OLD ESKIMOES never die, they just go cold OLD EXORCISTS never die, they just give up the ghost OLD FARMERS never die, they just go to seed OLD FARMERS never die, they just spade away OLD FATHERS never die, they just become grandfathers OLD FISHERMEN never die, their rods just go limp OLD FISHERMEN never die, they just get reel tired OLD FISHERMEN never die, they just smell that way OLD FOOTBALL PLAYERS never die, they just go to the end zone OLD FOOTBALLERS never die, they just kick the bucket OLD FORESTERS never die, they just pine away OLD FRIDGE REPAIRMEN never die, they just blow their cool OLD FROGS never die, they just croak OLD FRUIT never die, it just pear-ishes OLD GARAGEMEN never die, they just retire OLD GEOLOGISTS never die, they just recrystalize OLD GHOST TOWNS never die, they become desolate OLD GOLFERS never die, they just lose their balls OLD GOLFERS never die, they just lose their drive OLD GRAPHIC ARTISTS never die, they just de-rez OLD GYMNASTS never die, they just take longer to mount OLD HAMS never die, they just get grounded OLD HARDWARE ENGINEERS never die, they just cache in their chips OLD HELSINKI TOURISTS never die, they just vanish into Finn Air OLD HIKERS never die, they just trail away OLD HIPPIES never die, they just smell that way OLD HOCKEY PLAYERS never die, they just achieve their final goal OLD HOMEBREWERS never die, they just ferment away OLD HUNTERS never die, they just stay LOADED OLD HYPOCHONDRIACS never die, they just imagine it OLD HYPOCHONDRIACS never die, they just lose their grippe OLD IMMORTALS [vampires, whatever] never die, they just...don't OLD INTERPRETERS (for the deaf) never die, they just sign off OLD INVESTORS never die, they just roll over OLD JOKES never die, they just get retold by the young OLD JOURNALISTS never die, they just get de-pressed OLD KAYAKERS never die, they just roll back over, and do it again OLD KEY PUNCH OPERATORS never die, they just punch out OLD KIDS never die, they just adulterate OLD KIDS never die, they just grow up OLD KNIGHTS IN CHAIN MAIL never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils OLD LASER PHYSICISTS never die, they just become incoherent OLD LAWYERS never die, they just lose their appeal OLD LAWYERS never die, they just lose their briefs OLD LIBRARIANS never die, their computers have Fatal Errors OLD LIBRARIANS never die, they just check out OLD LIBRARIANS never die, they just get re-shelved OLD LIBRARIANS never die, they just lose their references OLD LIGHT BULBS never die, they just blink out OLD LIMBO DANCERS never die, they just go under OLD LINGUISTS never die, they just rearrange their deep structures OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just disappear OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just float away OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just make a big production of it OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just they just change color OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just they're just fooling themselves OLD MAIDS count on fingers, but young girls count on legs OLD MATH TEACHERS never die, they just reduce to lowest terms OLD MATHEMATICIANS never die, they just disintegrate OLD MATHEMATICIANS never die, they just go off on a tangent OLD MATHEMATICIANS never die, they just lose some functions OLD MEDIUMS never die, they are just visiting their friends OLD MERCENARIES never die, they find someone else to take their place OLD MERCENARIES never die, they just go to hell to regroup OLD METEORS never die, they just burn up OLD MILKMAIDS never die, they just lose their whey OLD MINISTERS never die -- they just go out to pastor OLD MP's never die, they just attain peerage OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just decompose OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just get played out OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just go from bar to bar OLD NUCLEAR POWER PLANTS never die, they just go off-line OLD NUMERICAL ANALYSTS never die, they just get disarrayed OLD OWLS never die, they just don't give a hoot OLD PACIFISTS never die, they just go to peaces OLD PARADOXES never die, they just become enigmas OLD PHOTOGRAPHERS never die, they get sent to the old focus home OLD PHOTOGRAPHERS never die, they just stop developing OLD PILOTS never die, they just buzz off OLD PILOTS never die, they just go to a higher plane OLD PLANETS never die, they just lose their attraction OLD PLASTIC never dies, they just recycle it OLD PLUMBERS never die, they just go down the drain OLD POLICEMEN never die, they just cop out OLD POSTAL CARRIERS never die, they just lose their zip OLD PRINTERS never die, they're just not the type OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte it OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just decompile OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just get bugged with life OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just go to bits OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just lose their memory OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just move to new addresses OLD PROGRAMMING WIZARDS never die, they just recurse OLD PROPANE TANKS never die, they just run out of gas OLD PROSITUTES never die, they just fake away... OLD PUNTERS never die, they just go horse OLD QUARTERBACKS never die, they just fade back and pass away OLD QUILTERS never die, they just go to pieces OLD QUILTERS never die, they just go under cover OLD RADIOS never die, they just stop receiving OLD RAILROADERS never die, they just derail OLD RAIN PUDDLES never die, they just dry up OLD SAILORS never die, they just get a little "DINGHY" OLD SAILORS never die, they just lose their porpoise OLD SALESMEN never die, they just go out of commission OLD SCHOOLS never die, they just lose their principals OLD SCOTS never die, but they can be kilt OLD SCULPTORS never die, they just lose their marbles OLD SEAMSTRESSES never die, they just come to the point OLD SEERS never die, they just lose their vision OLD SEWAGE WORKERS never die, they just waste away OLD SHEETROCKERS (dry wallers) never die, they just hang around OLD SHOES MAKERS never die, they just lose their sole OLD SKIERS never die, but they go downhill fast OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just achieve their final goal OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just lose their kick OLD SOLDIERS never die, they just fade away OLD SOLDIERS never die, they just smell that way OLD SOLDIERS never die, young ones do OLD SOURDOUGHS never die, they just ferment away OLD SPELUNKERS never die, they just cave in OLD STEELMAKERS never die, they just lose their temper OLD STUDENTS never die, they just get degraded OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just fall off their blocks OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just have a stroke OLD SWIMMERS never die, they just kick-off OLD SYSTEM USERS never die, they just chdir to NULL OLD TANNERS never die, they just go into hiding OLD TAPE DISPENSERS never die, they just get used up OLD TEACHERS never die, they just lose their class OLD TELEPHONES never die, they just stop ringing OLD THERMODYNAMICISTS never die, they just achieve their stateof maximum entropy OLD TIRE TUBES never die, they just get punctured OLD TRASH never dies, they just bury it OLD TRIGONOMETRY TEACHERS never die, they just lose their identities OLD TROMBONISTS never die - they just slide away... OLD TRUCK DRIVERS never die; they just get a new Peterbilt OLD TV SHOWS never die, they just get rerun on Nickelodeon OLD TV SOAP STARS never die, they become pathetic OLD USENETTERS never die, they just become unresponsive OLD VACATIONERS never die, they just don't come back OLD VIOLINISTS never die - they just become unstrung. OLD VOICEMAIL SYSTEMS never die, they just stop answering OLD WANTS never die, they become needs OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just run out of time OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just unwind OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just wind down OLD WEATHERMEN never die, they reign forever OLD WHITE WATER RAFTERS never die, they just get disgorged OLD WOOL COATS never die, they just become mothballed OLD WRESTLERS never die, they just lose their grip OLD YACHTSMEN never die, they just keel over WALT DISNEY didn't die, he's in suspended animation Why do sports' announcers insist on uttering phrases such as "The Terps came to play?" Well, I should hope the Terps came to play! Why do baseball players wear baseball caps in indoor stadiums? Why do most radio and television hosts continually say things like "We've only got 30 seconds left, so please try to make your comments brief?" In the time they use to say that, they could be offering more programming. When will somebody make a women's magazine that doesn't make you sneeze? Why do you always get the green traffic lights on the day you need a few minutes to put on your make-up in the car? Why is the "express"way always backed up during rush hour, which is anything but rushing? What's the best way to look up the spelling of a word in the dictionary if you don't know how to spell it? Why is there an interstate highway in Hawaii? Why is it called a TV "set" if it's only one? Why is the guy who invests all our money called a "broker?" If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead? Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts? Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together? Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is? Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have? If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into? What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way? When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!! Do fish get cramps after eating? Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosylabic"? Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors? Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new? When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go? Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not adoor? If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress? Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons? Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of? Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase? Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent? Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate? Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer? Why does the grass that grows along the edge of the Beltway, the same grass that gets covered in noxious fumes and mowed twice a year, look better than the grass in your backyard, the same grass you painstakingly labor over, fertilize and religiously water? Why, when you're drying your wet hair, does it always seem like the phone is ringing? What ever happened to streakers? Does anybody really brush their teeth three times a day? Is there scientific proof that those little windshield wipers on car headlights are worthwhile? Why do baseball players wear their hats in indoor arenas? Why can't dogs smile? Why, when you're sitting in a movie theater, does it always seem like the lights are dimming? How do you throw away a trashcan? When will somebody make a women's magazine that doesn't make you sneeze? Why can't you tickle yourself to make yourself laugh? Who designed clothing so that a tug on one thread will undo an entire hem, or make a button pop off instantaneously? Given a bird can fly anywhere at any time, why does he choose to park himself in the gutter of a downtown office building? When will we drop the word "cool" and what do you think it will be replaced by? What is the difference between "partly cloudy" and "partly sunny"? Why does the color orange signify decaffeination? How many tiny packets of duck sauce and soy sauce do you suppose are tossed out every night with the empty take-out Chinese food containers? "...One ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them..." JRR Tolkien "640K ought to be enough for anyone." - Bill Gates, 1981 "95% of success is showing up." -- Mark Twain "A good traveller has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving." -- Lao Tzu "A mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimension." --Oliver Wendell Holmes "Because I could not stop for Death, He kindly stopped for me on his Miata." "Belief means not wanting to know what is true." [Nietzche, The Anti-Christ, 1889] "Black holes are where God divided by zero." "Bless me Father, I ate a lizard" from "A Canticle For Liebowitz by Arthur Miller" "Books give you knowledge, and knowledge is power, and power corrupts, and corruption leads to crime, and crime doesn't pay, so if you read books you'll go broke." -Calvin & Hobbes, I think... "Bugs! Bugs make me Crazy!... Crazy! I was crazy once... they put me in a box with Bugs! Bugs! (repeat)" "Computers are useless. They can only give you answers." -- Pablo Picasso "Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." - Popular Mechanics, 1949 "Design is the process of changing your mind until you get it right." "Don't call in sick, call in dead." "Don't lick something unless you really mean it." Naked Dancing LLama at www.frolic.org "Don't panic, it's just an undocumented feature" "Everything that can be invented has been invented." - Charles H Duell, Commissioner, US Office of Patents, 1889. "Everything that can be invented has been invented." Commissioner, US Office of Patents, 1889 "Excuse me, but 'proactive' and 'paradigm'? Aren't those just buzzwords stupid people use to sound important, not that I'm accusing any of you of doing that. [pause] I'm fired aren't I?" "Finders Keepers... Losers SUCK!!!" -- My 6 year old half-sister "Floating asteroids...gotta buy school supplies...your sulking in it." - Spaceghost "For who in their life hasn't burned some public building or another?" -Graham Chapman "Free the Springfield Two, Marge!" - Homer J. Simpson "Fuck It," says Chris. "Generally, there are very few technical problems. There are, however, an abundance of political, social, and economic problems." "God is dead." -Nietzche "Nietzche is dead." -God "God is dead." -Nietzche "Nietzche is dead." -God "Nietzche is God." -The Dead "God, root, what is difference?"--Pitr "Have you noticed there are no interesting people in heaven? --Just a hint to the girls as to where they can find their salvation." [Nietzche, The Will to Power] "He who lives by fighting with an enemy has an interest in the preservation of the enemy's life." - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche "He's got big Balls, She's got big Balls. But We've got the biggest Balls of them All!" "Hey Rats! Remember the cheese I promised you for running the mazes?" "yeah" "It was delicious!" (Muppets in space) "History is a set of lies agreed upon." - Napoleon "Houston, we have a problem..." -- James Lovell, Apollo 13 "How to make COBOL a great language? Remove "OBOL" and add PAS before and AL after. Then get rid of those and just keep the C" "How to make COBOL a great language? Remove "OBOL" and add PAS before and AL after." "I AM DEATH, NOT TAXES. *I* TURN UP ONLY ONCE", said Death. "I am not so reckless as to stand before a group of Unitarian Universalists and disparage "I am not so reckless as to stand before a group of Unitarian Universalists and disparage thinking --- you might get upset and burn a question mark on my lawn." -- Rev. Fred Small "I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?" - Ferris Bueller [FBDO]" "I can decipher Wittgenstein and Godel, but I have no idea sir, what you are saying or trying to relate to us. Try using English." --- from slashdot.org "I can't imagine ever needing more than 640K." - Bill Gates, 1981 "I die as I lived. Beyond my means" - Oscar Wilde on his deathbed "I don't think any one windowing system will be as dominant as MS-DOS is." - Industry analyst in 1984 "I drank WHAT?" -- Socrates "I know, let's sing 'Kyle's Mom is a stupid bitch in D-minor!'" - cartman "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." -- Douglas Adams "I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the death, your right to say it." - Voltaire "I only mind the voices in my head when they don't speak English." - Ajax "I see," said the blind man to his deaf daughter while he picked up a hammer and saw. "I think not", said Descartes before disappearing in a puff of smoke. "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." - Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943. "I'd rather be an adjective than a gerund." Tom Stoppard (loosely quoted) "I'd take you outside and horsewhip you if I had a horse" - Groucho Marx "I'm not hurting you, I'm just patting your nice Jewish hair!" "I'm psycho." "We're history." "Whose idea were the passwords?" "If everything is under control, you are moving too slow." (Mario Andretti) "In christianity neither morality nor religion come into contact with reality at any point." - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche "In times of crisis, it is of utmost importance not to lose one's head." -- M. Antoinette "Inside me there is a thin person trying to get out!" "Oh? Just the one, dear?" "Internet Explorer 5, also great for target practice!" "Is an IDONTCARE resolution in Bugzilla too much to ask?" --- pavlov@pavlov.net "It seems the tables have turned, Doctor Evil." "Not really, kill the little bastard, see what I care." "It's a cardboard universe... and if you lean too hard against it, you fall through" Philip K. Dick "It's a trick - get an ax." "It's healthy for people to have access to information."--Oracle CEO Larry Ellison (Fine, then open up your source code!) "Life is not an emergency!!" -Stephan "Love is a snowmobile speeding across the tundra. Suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night the ice weasels come." - F. Nietzsche "Make up your mind. Is it a drug, a virus, or a religion?" "Man has never really invented a decent chicken" - Kehlog Ahlbran "Marge, it takes two to lie: one to lie and one to listen." - Homer S. "Men tire themselves in pursuit of rest." -- Laurence Sterne, English author (1713-1768). "My husband was fond of the drink. 'Twas the drink that killed him." "Oh, he was an alcoholic?" "No, he was hit by a Guinness truck." "NAPSTER!" "NAPSTER!".... "Napster" of Puppets is downloading your life away... "Never believe in anything until it has been officially denied." - Otto von Bismarck "Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway" Andrew S. Tanenbaum "Nice and slow, see? That's the way to do it." - Random Criminal to Fred Flintstone "No matter how hard you try, you cannot cram infinity into 32 bits."--E. Carl Zimmerman "No meestah Bond...I expect you to die!" "No one ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the American people." -- P. T. Barnum "No one with a Monte Carlo needs to be justified" -Stephen J. Glowoski "Nothing makes you appreciate the weekend like idiots."--Jen "Now you will see that Evil will always triumph because Good is dumb." - Dark Helmet "OK, Mulder, but I'm warning you - if this is monkey pee, you're own your own." "One's too many, two is not enough." "PEOPLE'S WHOLE LIVES *DO* PASS IN FRONT OF THEIR EYES BEFORE THEY DIE. THE PROCESS IS CALLED 'LIVING'", said Death. "Plain hamburger with nothing on it, or hamburger without the meat?" From Narcis "Please release me, let me go..." "Problems with grammar have I" -Yoda "Push to test." (click) "Release to detonate..." "Reports no loss of valuable equipment. In other news, 300 job openings are now available." "Resistance is Futile, You Will Be Assimilated" "Save me Jebus... Save me! " -Homer "Secant, Tangent, Hyperbolic Sign--three point one four one five nine"-Old Caltech Football Chant "She afraid of squid, crazy child!" "Sheah, right" "So I type here and then click the little button thingy??" -- Typical End-User "So anyway I spliced together "Space: 1999" and "Blues Brothers 2000" and "2001: A Space Odyssey" and got "Space Space Blue 6000" and my money back! "So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence." - Bertrand Russell (1872-1970) "So you drop a nuclear warhead underneath the baseplate and light it off; believe me, that sucker will move." - Starship Construction for Dummies "Software is like sex: it's better when it's free" -- Linus Torvalds "Some mornings it just isn't worth chewing through the leather straps." Emo Phillips "Spare no expense to save money on this one." - Samuel Goldwyn "That's a bad connection." "That's what a 56kbps dialin sounds like." "That's right," he said. "We're philosophers. We think, therefore we am." "The Ten Commandments contain 297 words. The Bill of Rights is stated in 463 words. Lincoln's Gettysburg Address contains 266 words. A recent federal directive to regulate the price of cabbage contains 26,911 words." --Atlanta Journal "The Web succeeded because it had a better interface than gopher, not because it has a better interface than the Mac or Windows." -- Braden N. McDaniel on n.p.m.ui "The ability to quote may serve readily for wit." - Witty Person "The clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society" - Mark Twain "The evil stops here!" --Petr "The good news is that [in the future] we will have a good operating system and programming language. The bad news is that they will be Unix and C++." - richard p. gabriel "The people who made your PC fast and reliable"??? When did Linus start an ISP? "There Is No bug" - (power of mental debugging) "There are not enough Indians in the world to defeat the Seventh Cavalry." - George Armstrong Custer "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." - Ken Olsen, President, Chairman and Founder of Digital Equipment Corporation, 1977. "This 'telephone' has too many short-comings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. This device is inherently of no value to us." - Western Union internal memo, 1876. "This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." - Western Union internal memo, 1876. "This is a light sabre" - "I've never heard it called _that_ before" "This is a revolution, dammit! We're going to offend SOMEBODY!" - John Adams "Time is cyclic" Transputer - Compiler writer's guide "To defeat owner in savage combat, please use rear door." - sign at Tendo Dojo "To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself", Albert Einstien "To start press any key" -Where is the any-key? "To understand recursion, one must first understand recursion." "Two things are infinite: the universe and the stupidity of mankind. However I am not so sure yet with the universe." - Albert Einstein "Uh, Rob, are you using metric time again?" "Um... this glass is dog, the other's cat. No? They're both cat?" "WARNING: Excessive use of technology can enslave mankind." promo for the Sci-Fi Channel "WARNING: Your operating system is unfamiliar." -- Bongo "WHAT CAN THE HARVEST HOPE FOR, IF NOT FOR THE CARE OF THE REAPER MAN?", said Death. "We are ALL Chartered Accountants." "Except me. I am a gorilla." "We are all worms, but I do believe I am a glow-worm."--Winston S. Churchill "We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." - Decca Recording rejecting the Beatles, 1962. "We don't mean to brag, we don't mean to boast, but we like hot butter on our breakfast toast" - Sugar HIll Gang, "Rapper's Delight" "Whack whack whack!" -- Dostoevsky, to a dead horse "What are you lookin' at? I know what you're thinkin'. You ain't got the balls . . . no balls." "When I was a very small bug, very small bugs talked to me..." - New Order "When in times of crisis, it is of utmost importance not to lose one's head." -- M. Antoinette "Where "Life" is a four letter word" - system@freds.cojones.com "Who is peer and why is he resetting my connection?" "Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" - H M Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927. "Work is the curse of the drinking classes" "Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again." - L. Long "You can't look at the sky, without looking right through it" "You have the right to remain silent." "I choose to waive that right - bwahaaagh!" "You have to mount it before you fsck it" "You know the end of the world is near when the Spice Girls start reproducing." - Anderson Reggio "You must excuse me. I'm living in an animated Stephen King musical today." --- Seanan McGuire "You must not fight too often with one enemy, or you will teach them your art of war." - Napoleon "You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and liberty." -- Henrik Ibsen "Young fool. Only now, at the end, do you understand." - Emperor Palpatine "Your future hasn't been writen yet. No one's has. Your future is whatever you make of it, so make it a good one." - Doc Emmet L. Brown "Your future hasn't been writen yet. Noone's has. Your future is whatever you make of it, so make it a good one." - Doc Emmet L. Brown "`Is not a quine' is not a quine" is a quine. "no-one said world domination would be easy" - (unknown, ehand.com) "our rulers can have authority over such natural rights only as we have submitted to them", Thomas Jefferson "some people ask me about God and Life and I just say "seven". #include Brain.h> beta - 'b'ugs 'e'xist 't'ry 'a'gain. 'Cos we're the Smart Party! 'Crunchy frog'? What sort of flavour's that? 'Hello World', 17 errors, 31 warnings 'No, 'Eureka!' is Greek for 'this bath is too hot!' 'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. -Abraham Lincoln 'tis an ill wind that blows no minds ((lambda (x) x) (lambda (x) x)) (Holding up a long jagged instrument) Don't worry, you won't feel a thing... until I jam this down your throat. (UK-specific) What would they call Watchdog if Anne Robinson didn't present it? (left blank for didactic purposes - please scroll down) +++ Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot +++ +++OUT OF CHEESE ERROR: REDO FROM START+++ .. software should be assumed to be faulty until applying the currently accepted best practice methods can demonstrate that it is correct (from the Ariane 5 bug report) ... so I did the same thing to the dog's leg ... ... the gentle sound of crashing software ... ...so when the project started we all drew lots to see who would be made the scapegoat if it fails... ...starring in "The Fly who Bugged Me". ...there are no bugs, only users who use things the wrong way... 100 bugs in the code, 100 bugs, take one out, compile it again, 101 bugs in the code; repeat until (numBugs == 0); 186,000 miles per second. It's not just a good idea, it's the law! 2+2=5 for large values of 2 25 cents to anyone who bids a dollar 2^1=2; 2^2=4; 2^3=8; 2^4=16; ...... 2^Inf.=Some number larger than a double 2b || !2b 303 Keyboard error, press F1 to continue. 404. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) 42 ist die antwort auf die frage aller fragen 42? is that all you've got to show for seven and a half million years work? 90% of anything is crap - the Internet especially so. 99 screenfuls of bugs on the wall, 99 screenfuls of bugs / increase the, resolution / 76 screenfuls of bugs on the wall How could I break the Mac? I don't even BUILD on the Mac! A Bug's Life :) A Communicator access a day helps keep micro$oft's fury at bay... A Spliff a Day Keeps the Doctor Away A TRUE Klingon warrior does not comment his code! A bad day with *nix is still better than a good day with 'Doze. A bird in the hand will leave quite a mess.... A bug is only a bug until you squash it. A carrot is as close as a rabbit gets to a diamond. A chicken is an egg's way of making more eggs. A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works. A conclusion is where you got tired of thinking. A dingo stole my baby! A famous quip: "We'll be voting Tory at the next election." A fate worse than a fate worse than death... --Black Adder A few bugs here, A few bugs there... It'll be done by tomorrow - I promise! A file system browser ought to be enough for anyone... A friend of mine asked me what was the difference between ignorance and indifference. I told him 'I don't know and I don't care' A good name is better than riches. A guy walks into a bar... and says 'Ouch!' A hamburger is only a hamburger until you add the cheese. A hamburger only becomes a cheeseburger once you've added the cheese in it. A hen is an egg's way of making more eggs. A hogshead of cough syrup a day keeps the . . . (clunk). A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "why the long face?" A little nonsense now and then, is relished by the wisest of men A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls. (Dan Quayle) A man is only as old as the woman he feels. --Groucho Marx A man is only half a man when he is choped in half A man once said that men who say things are not man at all... kinda makes you think, doesn't it? A man, a plan, a canal, Panama. A marmot or a marmite pot? A new random quip.. coming to a buglist near you... A nut for a jar of tuna A pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity, while an optimist sees opportunity in ever difficulty! A picture is worth a thousand words, 1000 words takes about 5K, therefore no picture should be larger than 5K A quip a day keeps Closed Source away ! A quip, a quip, my kindom for a quip !!! A rhinoceros is a horse designed to military specification. A ship in a harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. A sign that says "Long haired freaky people need not apply" never existed. A small good deed is better than the grandest intentions. A three legged dog walks into a bar and sez "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw". A witty saying proves nothing. --Voltaire A: Because we're radicals and B: Because we're not! ACH! zarro boogs en me heed ASCII a stupid question, get an EBCDIC answer ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI! AVOID MISSING BALL FOR HIGH SCORE Absolute addressing corrupts absolutely Adam was Version 1.0; Eve was the bug fix. Add insult to injury. Pour salt on that wound. Ah, I see you've got the machine that goes 'ping!' That's my favourite. Algebra - n. - Red-Neck term for things dealing with alge. See Also: Marine Biology & Alge All I asked for was a simple rotating chair! Throw me a frickin' bone here! All I need is a warm bed, kind word and unlimited power. All I wanted was a little bit of time to myself. Then they started mozilla.org. Bastards. All generalizations are false. All new quips will first have their humor value confirmed by a volunteer, before being assigned to Quip Assurance and a Quip Engineer. All strongly held opinions should be strongly opposed. All that glitters has a high refractive index All the baby animals - they don't know that they're ugly. All these bugs... what happened to the Fourth Amendment? All words are false. Do I speak the truth? Always look on the bright side of life, doo to dou (whistling) Always older than yesterday; but then again always younger than tomorrow. Always wash your hands after using a public restroom America - The only country to have passed from barbarism to decadence without the intervening period of civilisation America: The nation that contains natural wonders like Niagara Falls... and builds other, er, wonders, like Buffalo, NY beside them. Amuse your friends and annoy your enemies: echo '#define if(x) if (!(x))' >> /usr/include/stdio.h - njs An Atheist's tombstone reads: "All dressed up and nowhere to go" An OS is too big if installation requires more than one reboot. An alcoholic is someone who drinks more than his doctor. An expert makes his mistakes quietly. And God Created Bugzilla And all this time you thought you were *reducing* the number of bugs .... And darkness falls across the land...awaiting the rise of the scaled one! And if you save yourself, you will make him happy! And if you're taking a walk through the garden of life, what do you think you'd expect you would see? And in case of emergency, bugzilla may be used as a quotation device. And in the beggining there was B. And from it came C, then C++. But there was no D. NO, D was saved for another young sole to program in. And it came to pass that in time the Great God Om spake unto Brutha, the Chosen One: "Psst!" And it so falls out that what we have we prize not whilst we enjoy it... And on the 8th day He said, OK Murphy, you take over. And the beast shall come forth surrounded by a roiling cloud of vengeance. The house of the unbelievers shall be razed and they shall be scorched to the earth. Their tags shall blink until the end of days.- Mozilla, 12:10 And what is the biggest bug of all? BugZilla of course! And when you call me in the middle of the night, I won't be there cause you're always breaking my heart... (Per Gessle - Roxette) And yes I'm all lit up again. I love the Rogaine(tm) I love the Rogaine(tm) Andre the Giant has some coffee Answer the phone naked. Callers will hear it in your voice. Answers: $100, Short: $500, Correct: $2500... I can't stop inflation! Anthill Inside Any bugs are too hard to fix become features in the finished product Anyone want an http client for a ZX81? Anyone willing and capable to get themselves elected President by no means should be allowed to do the job -- Douglas Adams Anything done out of love is beyond good and evil - Nietzsche Aphorisms aren't everything. -- Tom Neff Apparent omniscience through obliquity. Are you OK? Yeah. Are you sure you're OK? Yeah, I'm OK. The reason I ask is because you're on fire. Area = Pi*r^2 -- No no!! Pie are round, cornbread are square! Artificial intelligence is no substitute for natural stupidity. Artoo that stabilizer's broken loose again... see if you can't lock it down! As a development process, chaos does not scale well. As of M1, we were less buggy than any MS product to date... As the "BugFree(tm)" series didn't turn out so well, i'm starting a new series called "ItWorksForMe(tm)" of which this new (browser) is yet another shining example... As you can see, Mozilla glides though even the most complex and obfuscated HTML with the greatest of... oh crap. Asking the right questions is half the problem. At the rate we're learnin' things, we won't know nothin' in no time. --Lord Bowler, "The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr" Aunt Edna's moped took a wrong exit off the information superhighway and landed in a microwave oven in Peoria. Auntie Em, hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog, Dorthy. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. Be different. Think. Be obsequious, purple, and clairvoyant. Be ready for y3k bug. Be wary when walking down the path to maddness, all such paths invariably lead to maddness. Beam me up Scotty; there's no intelligent life down here. Beaten paths are for beaten men... Beauty, Intelligence, Personality, Availablity. Pick any 2 Beep! Invalid Input. I take only cash.... Beer is proof that God loves us - Abe Lincoln(?) Beer; it's not just for breakfast anymore. Before enlightenment, chop wood, pour water. After enlightenment, chop wood, pour water. Before you squash the bug, ask why it's there Being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook. Believe in YOURSELF!! Beta Tester's Life and a BUg's Life - So close, so far. Beta testing BUGS me Better a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. Better living through chemistry... Better living through denial. Better living through pharmaceuticals Beware of Mozilla it _is_ hungry... Beware of the penguins. Beware the white death, that strikes from below like a blood thirsty chainsaw Beware, your little brother may shoot you in the eye with a tater gun! Big Gay Al: Uh oh, look out, it's the oppressors. Christians and republicans and nazis, oh my! Bill G. was here -- 03/24/00 Birth gives rise to old age and death. - Siddhartha Gautama Birth gives rise to old age and death. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. - Mark Twain Birth...School...Work...Death! Bitch, piss, and moan. Whine'em dine'em 69'em. Would you like some cheese and crackers with that "whine" (wine)? Black Holes are where God divided by zero. Blame it on the boogie. Blame it on the duck! The duck! Blessed are the meek, for they will make good subjects. Blue Rats, pitter patter Blue screens of death are worse than death Bobcaygeon, Ontario exists! Bonk on the button? Bonk on this! Boond...James-sh Boond. Bored at work? Hack mozilla! Boris! What are you doing with that penguin?! Bow wow wow yippie yo yippie yay (the lizard loves dogfood) Boy... this is really a cute and horribly insecure feature... fix it or get rid of it! Who is the jackass that allowed this sanctioned security hole on a semi-professional site? Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider, girls go to Mars, become rock stars! (Kim Gordon) Bricka, bracka, bricka bracka, sis, boom, ba! Bugs Bunny, Bugs Bunny, rah, rah, rah! Bridges -build -burn Bring me the corpse of Michael Landon! Zrm! Brought to you by....RATBOYZ! From the makers of RATZILLA -fresh from the RatLab-"we test em, so you don't have to." Bucho says ON YOUR KNEES, BUG! Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo. Bug Day! Midges molding in the ground... Bug La Di, Bug La Da, Life goes oonnn. bra, sha lalaala lala laaaaa Bug juice all over the net! Bug me tender... Bug me true... Never... let me code Bug me up, scotty. Bug me, or bug me not. There is no try! Bug: little jammed piece of code. Reproduction mode: n self-spawned for each killed. Note: n tend to infinite. BugZilla...one line freedom of speech! Bugger this for a lark. Bugs are the consequence of allowing non-programmers near computers Bugs aren't human Bugs remind me of that one sandwich, you know that one in the refrigerator. Bugs! Full of protein! Bugs, Bugs Bugs. Who Needs Um? Bugs, Bugs everywhere, but nary a bite to eat! Bugs, bugs go away, I don't want to see you for another day ! Bugs.... yummy. Bugs? They are swarming in my computer like termites ! Bugtallica - Kill 'em All Bugzilla vs. Mozilla Bugzilla was made using 100% recycled electrons! Bugzilla, as it seems, is not without a sense of irony. Bugzilla: Bugs check in, but they don't check out. Bugzilla: It's not just for people with `e's in their names, anymore! Bus Error: Passengers dumped. But don't you worry about Daggy Boy! But I didn't change a thing! But I honestly cannot trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die. But I thought you'd like it... But Wait! There's More! But it works on MY machine! But it's a KILLER bunny rabbit! But who will take down the flypaper? But will it run on my swank-ass 386? Bwoohahahah! Now, I'M going to show ye some REAL entertainment! Byte my Baud C code. C code run. Run, code, run... PLEASE!!! C'est plus qu'un crime, c'est une faute. Charles-Maurice de Talleyrand C'mon everybody! Let's do the Macarena! Call me insane one more time and I'll eat your other eye! Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2? Can surfing the internet be academic? Can you spare an old cutpurse a zorkmid for some grog? Can you still hear the lambs screaming? Can't Login to my Hotmail Account. Can't catch me, I'm syntax-free! Can't sleep. Clowns will eat me. Can't you hear Moe saying this "That's real good... if you like crap!" Canned air. $5.99 -- Aired cans. Free. Carl, what're you doin' with that lawnmower blade? Ceci n'est pas un donut. Change is in the eye of the beholder. Chaos reigns within, reflect, repent, reboot. Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is done. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done. Cheap things cost less Chika Chika Pow Pow Chris Weber says "Go Gusties!" (GAC 2001) Cinammon has the magical abiltiy to turn Sugar Cookies into Snickerdoodles. Clarity of thought before rashness of action. Clerk does not know URL to safe Cleveland Rocks! Cliches are the refuge of weak minds Click here to CLOSE the tree. Clitus, I'm bored - what plaything can you offer me today? Clones are people two Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. - Mark Twain Code is sexy! No, wait.. someone's scribbled their notes on this issue of Playboy. Never mind. Code, not quips. Cogito Ergo ZOommmmm..... Cogito, ergo doleo. College water may taste different because, like everything else in college, has caffine in it. Colorless green thoughts slumber furiously. Come Join the Metal Militia!!! Come have lunch with me, Arthur. Adventure will follow. Come on down to the store, you can buy some more and more and more and more (Sonic Youth) Come on! Step right up! One for the price of two! That's right, one for the price of two... Come on, that 600 character obfucated line of C is more efficent! Coming soon: a special Me2 feature in newsreader Community, Identity, Stability. Compression: What could possibly go worng ? Con-script: a script that is forced to do illegal things Congratulations! You've read all the funny quips! Conjecture: All odd numbers are prime. Mathematician's Proof: 3 is prime. 5 is prime. 7 is prime. By induction, all odd numbers are prime. Physicist's proof: 3 is prime. 5 is prime. 7 is prime. 9 is experimental error. 11 is prime. 13 is... Engineer's Proof: 3 is prime. 5 is prime. 7 is prime. 9 is prime. 11 is prime. 13 is... Computer Scientist's Proof: 3 is prime. 3 is prime. 3 is prime. 3 is prime. 3 is... Connie's castle has cold corridors. Conscript - a plan for obtaining money by fraudulent means. Cool potatos! Core error - Bus dumped. Cosa significa "aidonandestend" ? Cottontail, cottontail, fetch me somemore chamomile! Could you do me egg, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam, then? Crackers and cheese taste yummy to meeeez Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep. - Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle Crush de enemies. Burn der houses und cattle. Hear der lamentation of deir wemen. Cthulu saves - in case he's hungry later. Cubs Win!! Cubs Win!! Culture? We don't need no steenkin' culture, we got the internet! D'oh! I got a defective cookie! DJ La Bomba rocks your world on Shoutcast radio---PrankRadio---gunny.net:8000 irc.gamesnet.net #prankradio DNS is human readable, not human writable... DOJ vs. Freedom to Invade DON'T DRINK THE WINE!!! DON'T PANIC DON'T PANIC: blame it on someone else! DON'T push that link ! Daisy, Daisy..... Dammit Jim... I'm a programmer, not a miracle worker. Damnit Fraser! If you're gonna drop a guy, you gotta say something like "Ray, I'm gonna drop ya." Damnit, Jim, I'm a programmer, not a shaman! Dance, Mozilla, Dance! Dashslot -| Dead People Are Cool Death to the 905 dwellers! Debugger?!?!?! I don't even know her! Debugging is mmm, mmm good all the way down to the core. Definition --> Hunger: Condition produced by five minutes of continuous studying. Der Kopf ist rund, damit die Gedanken die Richtung ndern knnen. Dialin? Is that some sort of new asthma medication? Discarded pizza boxes are an inexpensive source of cheese. Discretion is the better part of getting your ass kicked. Dispatch war rocket Ajax, to bring back his body! Divide by cucumber error. Please re-install universe and reboot. Do I frighten you? Do you want me to? Do I have to pay the RIAA licensing fees for music I have stuck in my head? Do What I Mean shall be the whole of the code. Do friendly bugs excist in software? As they do in the real world.... Do it for the good of the code! Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup. Do not meddle in the affairs of sysadmins, for they are quick to anger and have no need for subtlety. Do not meddle in the affairs of sysadmins, for they are quick to anger and have not need for subtlety. Do not meddle in the affaris of wizards, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. Do not use as a comb. Do or do not. There is no try. -- Yoda Do unto others as you would have others do unto you, said the masochist and whipped everyone he saw. Do unto others only what you like othres to do to you. - Jose Silva Do ya smell what the Rock is cooken'? Do you Washuu? Do you have any idea you just did?!? Do you know the Gingerbread Man? Do you know the way to San Jos? Do you want to restart Windows now or wait for the next crash ? Doc, note, I dissent. A fast never prevents a fatness. I diet on cod! Doctor, it hurts when I do this. Does a beaver have a flat dick? Does any one of you proofread your own quips? Or have you all got lives out there? Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anyone know how to get ants out of a keyboard? Does it keep you in a job? Yes? Then it can't be a bug, can it? Doing Stuff's Cool, I Like It. Don't Ever Antagonize the Horn! Don't I have anything better to do than write quips? Don't Try Too Hard; You Might Succeed Don't bother reading this sentence, because it doesn't say anything. Don't click me. No please! Stop!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't eat yellow snow. Don't ever trust the needle. It lies. Don't get hung up about Easter! Don't get stuck out in the dark... Don't let your moral conscience stand in the way of doing the right thing. Don't look back now, the lemmings are gaining on you! Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. Don't make me bust a CAPS LOCK on your ASCII!!! Don't pass go, we're not exactly stable; I'm as still as a shy sheep. Don't push your chair back - the phone cord's wrapped around the leg. Don't sweat petty things... or pet sweaty things. Don't take away my rights because you can't control your child. Don't throw houses when you live in a glass stone. Due to cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel is temporarily of service. Dyslexics of the world untie! EBay item 911: Pocket Defibrillator ERR21: Your computer has a problem in the interface between the chair and the keyboard. ERROR IN BRAIN.VXD: Thought Halted ERROR IN SERIAL.VXD: Breakfast halted ERROR! Insert Sledge Hammer A: into Drive B: ERROR: Hit any user to continue ERROR: Keyboard not found. Press any key to continue. Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese Early to bed, early to rise, code like hell, make up lies Eat Branston Cheesie Pease for maximum satisfaction at breakfast time. Eat a cow and be a happier human being. Eat a live toad first thing in the morning : nothing worse will happen to you all day. Error - Keyboard not found.. Press Enter to Continue Error found: user a complete idiot! Error: Out of cheese, restock hamster wheel Eschew obfuscation. Eternal salvation or triple your money back! Eureka! Only had to add 5 more lines of code to get EMACS to boot! Even "non-conformist" is a pigeon-hole. Even if you divided my IQ by a half, I'd still be a genius. Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight? The foolish try and always die. Ever heard of error 18??... it's 18 inches from your screen. Ever notice how...sentences that start like this are self-fulfilling? Ever wonder where all bugs come from? http://www.mozilla.org/bugs/source.html Every American has the right to free speech... Unless they're one of those Commie Gun-hating Sissy-boys who like to burn flags! Every IT Manager's response when he does not know what to do: "It must be a virus." Every knee shall bend, every mouth confess, that Cthulu is LORD Every knee shall bend, every mouth open, when I unzip Every programmers answer once he does not know what to do: "It's a hardware problem." Every rule has an exception - except this one. Every time a frame-enabled page is loaded, an angel goes through an osterizer. Everybody into the pool! Everybody out of the water! Everybody: AAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww............ Everyone brings joy to this world - some by arriving, most by leaving. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just dont have any film Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth. Everything I say is a lie. Everything I touch turns to stone Everything deep and meaningful is blatantly obvious. Everything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. Or priced well out of your range. Everything in the world can be divided into things you can lick, and things you shouldn't lick. Everything is . . . broken. Everyone is . . . broken Everything is the result of the fragmentation of nothingness. Everytime I think I've hit bottom, somebody throws me a shovel. Evolution is chaos with feedback Excuse me, but my karma ran over your dogma. Experience is life's consolation prize. FOR SALE: Parachute. Used once. Never opened. Slightly stained. -- Eric Wright Facts are meaningless. You can use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true. Failing to prepare is preparing to fail. Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with the software. Feed the children. Save the wales. Free the mallocs. Fetish fetish is the best, do not listen to the rest. on the stage they are so tight, go home with the band tonite. fetish fetish is the best. do not listen to the rest. Fetish. A band starring Playboy on lyrics, B-Boy on drums, Dragon on lead guitar, and speed racer on bass guitar. Finally, after 10 years, MOSAIC is back in the hands of the people. Firewall?! Got a fire-hydrant? Firewall?!? Just let the lizard loose... we'll fight firewall with firebreath! First it was Chanel No. 5, then Mambo No. 5... come on Communicator No. 5!!! First it was the Children's Crusade. Now its Lord of the Flies. First one to fix every bug on this list by tomorrow will get a year's subscription to Playboy for free. First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win. -- Ghandi Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind. Flash Gordon! Quarterback, New York Jets! Fluoridation, Mandrake! --Ripper, Dr. Strangelove-or-HILTSWALTB Fly like a monkey? Follow that cocktail weenie! For a quick IQ test, press Ctrl-Alt-Del ... For attempting to kill me, I'm giving you a five percent pay cut! For it is the doom of men that they forget. For sale: 1 Year 2000 countdown clock and 1500 cans of lima beans. For sale: Hand scanner. Used twice. For some reason, reading right through the entire quip list seemed a helluva lot more attractive than doing some FoxPro development... Can't imagine why! [www.rubberturnip.org.uk] For the Snark WAS a Boojum, you see. Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. --John F. Kennedy Free your mind and your hack will follow Freedom for Greenland! Remove the pack ice!!! Freedom to Innovate: Finding Clever Uses for the Bones of the Competition and Creative Ways to Bloat Code Freedom without Socialism is privilege and injustice; Socialism without Freedom is slavery and brutality. Friendly fire... isn't. From Article in Open Sources; Future of Cygnus Soln-Michael Tiemann; ALWAYS MAKE NEW MISTAKES --Esther Dyson From the perspective of quantum theory, you don't look at light, it looks at you.... probably. Gee ... all I need to do now is uuencode myself and I'm all set... Gentlemen: Start your debuggers... Get Real, You're not an integer Get abs of steel, thighs of iron, and biceps of rock.... Code for Mozilla! Get off the damn computer and eat some cheese.... Get that cheese to the sickbay, stat! Get that out of there this instant! You don't even know where it's been! Get up offa that thang, and dance and you'll feel better! Get your bug fixed and stop it breeding. Gettin' mozey wit it... net net net net net net netscape net net net net net net net (Big Zilla Style) Gilligan! Watch where you're dropping those coconuts!!!! **BONK** Gimme my ISDN link back!!! Gimme some tiramisu Girlfriend is pregnant. (A)bort, (M)arry or (I)gnore? Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll eat every weekend. Automate the process, and he'll eat every day until the next upgrade. Give it everything you've got, do you hear me? Push till it gives! Go Then -- There Are Other Worlds Than These. Go West Young Man.. And While You're At It, Pick Me Up Some Beer Go ahead, make more bugs! Jobs, jobs, jobs! Go away. I'm trying to die. Go play leapfrog with a herd of unicorns! God bless this rocket house and all who dwell within the rocket house! God is love; Satan is 30 and up one set. God made man, but he used a monkey to do it God punishes those who survive too extravagantly. God save the Netscape Good Advice: Don't take wooden nickels. Better advice: Don't eat wooden nickels. Got Lizard? Gotta catch 'em all! Gravity is a myth, the earth sucks! Gravity is the hole of pit. Greasy grimy gopher guts! Great moments in computer science: "Code zero, zero, zero... destruct, zero." (James T. Kirk, Star Trek III: The Search For Spock) Green jellybeans taste like hospitals. Groot's Law: never fall in love with anyone who won't give you their phone number. Gulp or gulp not. There is no sip. --Yoda Hang on baby, I saw this in a cartoon once, but I'm pretty sure I can do it. Happiness is just compensation for stupidity. Happiness is not a fish you can catch. Happiness is your favorite program moving to Linux! Happy programs for bitter people Has anybody here seen my friend Martin? Hasten, Jason! Bring the basin! Urp, slop. Bring the mop. Have fun! Eat more toast. Have you eaten your bug for the day? Have you ever experienced the Slashdot effect?!?! HAVE YOU?!?!?! Have you noticed how it's always the one who snores that falls asleep first? Have you tried the weird toilets? He is not the Messias!! He is a very naughty boy!! He is the MELBA-BEING ... the ANGEL CAKE ... XEROX him ... XEROX him -- He knew she made moonshine, but he loved her still. He said: "Son, you are a technical boy..." He shot through like a Bondi tram! He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts. He who Passively Accepts Evil is a Much Involved in it as he who Helps Perpetrate it--Martin Luther King Jr. He who fights and runs away lives to make an even bigger fool of himself another day! He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man. He who runs away had better run far enough. He's dead Jim, but not as we know it. He's not a real doctor, He's an integer doctor. Heads you win, Tails I lose. Heisenberg may have been here. Hell is not a place, but a condition of the soul in which everything around it turns itself into an inferno. Help I'm being held as hostage at mozilla.org Help! I'm stuck in a fortune cookie company!! ....oh wait. Never mind. Help! I'm trapped in a- ...aw, forget it, that one's been done to death. Help! i'm trapped in a link tag!!! Help, help I'm being compressed! Her head is in a better way. Her brain's on fire. Hey Zilla! When I TOLD youse to moz my lawn, I didn't tell yaz to eat da BUGS too... tanks a LOT, ya big lizard!! Hey man, got any potions of hallucination for sale? Hey! I stand by my irresponsible journalism! Hey, can I use "background-colour:" in my stylesheets? Hey, look what I did! I've created a new headline! Hey, look! A computer that writes on paper instead of to a screen! Hey, where is my left shoe?... Where is my left shoe?... Hey. We didn't have a message on our answering machine when we left. How very odd. Hi. 0E exception fault occurred. Hmm... 40hr/wk, 50wk/yr, for 50yrs ... not a pretty sight when you look at it like that. Hmmm, well we can fix it, but it's going to cost you... Hmmm... Purple! Hold a chicken in the air, Stick a deckchair up your nose. Buy a jumbo jet, And then bury all your clothes... Hold still while I exorcise the demons of stupidity that posess you. Out, out! I command you demons of stupidity to be gone! Hold! What you are doing is wrong! Why do you do this? Homer, the walls are melting again...! Honk if you use Mozilla! How about adding all sorts of totally useless features, such as image toggling, link bars, what's related buttons, and really bloat the browser over the 20meg mark ! How about never? Is never good for you? How are you gentlemen! All your base are belong to us. You have no chance to survive make your time. How can I fly like an eagle if I'm surrounded by turkeys? How do I love thee? By taking lots of Thorazine. How do you like my wife? Oh, she's great! Then, please have another slice... How many Euros will fifty MSDollars get me? How many bugs are there? Well how many lines of code have you written? How many quips would a woodquip quip if a woodquip would quip quips? How to explain? How to describe? Even the omnicient viewpoint quails. How to make COBOL a great language? Remove "OBOL". How to make COBOL a great language? Select "COBO" then Type "Per". How to make God laugh: tell him your plans. Huh? What was that? Another Bug? Drat. Order more pizza. Hump? What hump? Humpty Dumpty was pushed! Huston, we have a problem. Hypocondriac's headstone epitaph: "See?" Hypocracy, Bureaucracy, Democracy. Do you think they sound alike just BECAUSE? Hypocrite: "Standards have really gone downhill lately - we used to have around here some really good hippos..." I LIKE TO THINK I AM A PICKER-UP OF UNCONSIDERED TRIFLES. Death grinned hopefully. I Never Give Up Un Till They prave My Gun Out Of My Dead Cold Fingers I am Dyslexic of Borg. Your ass will be laminated. I am the gatekeeper. You are the keymaster. There is only XUL. I am, therefore I think I believe God put us on this Earth to help others. I'm not sure why he put the others here. I came, I saw, I Coded I can find my ears, but I have to look. I can make you scared, if you want me to. -TH I can please only one person per day. This isn't your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either. I can't find the OK button anywhere on my keyboard!!! I can't recommend guns, drugs, and insanity but they've worked for me. -- Hunter Thompson I cannot believe you wanted to do it like that... I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure, which is, "Try to please everybody." Herbery Bayard Swope. I did NOT have sexual relations with that browser. I didn't stomp no kitty! I do not regret the things I've done, but those I did not do. I don't agree with a word you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. -- Voltaire I don't have to think, I only have to do it. The results are always perfect. I don't know what they want from me, it's like the mo code we come across, the mo bugs we see... I don't like spam! I don't like this headline I don't suffer from stress - I'm a carrier. I don't think so - Homey don't play dat. I don't think you're happy enough - let's try again. I don't understand - does this site have anything to do with The Moz? http://www.morrissey-solo.com/ I don't use Netscape any more. I don't want the world, I just want your half -- They Might Be Giants I don't want to get off on a rant here... I doubt therefore I might be. I dunno if I should cut my veins or let them grow long ... I dunno, I was really drunk at the time... I eat lizards for breakfast I fear for The Land of The Gods. I feel more like I do now then when I got here I find a high-pressure jet of radioactive steam usually gets rid of any kind of stubborn food product. I find your lack of faith disturbing! ::starts choking:: I found a neat little solution to the Mozilla bugs, but this headline is not big enough for it. I gave in to tock, and all I got was warmed-over clumpy interstellar dust and flickering fluorescents! I get plenty of Free BSD's already with Windows. I gonna need glue...Lot's of glue! I got game but i don't know how to spit it!!!!!! I got your milestone right here! I guess I wouldn't be able to do anything if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch! I had a dream - I had to take a test - in a Burger King - in outer space I hate it when I get up in the middle of the night to stub my toe and accidentally go to the bathroom. I have discovered a small, elegant proof that a^n + b^n = c^n has no integer solutions for n greater than 2, but this box doesn't do TeX, and I will except no lesser layout language. I have frost on my balls... you may lick them now! :) I have no coin and I must flip. I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated. - Poul Anderson I know! We'll go out and find BIGGER bugs! I learned my first Unix command by getting ticked off and typing 'man this sucks!!!!!!!!!' I like a nice sunset, I do. I'd pay good money for a sunset like this. Oh, sorry, are these your eggs? I like to climb trees and eat peanut butter with a spatula while singing operas. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. [Douglas Adams] I never know what I need to know until I already know it. -canticle I put instant coffee in the microwave and almost went back in time - Steven Wright I really don't like lobster! (The Sugarcubes) I really like CSS, but i can't use it becuase of compatibility concerns. Dammit. I really should stop doing so much bandwidth I reckon you can make me some of them french fried potatos, um-hmm I see said the blind man to his deaf daughter as he picked up the hammer and saw. I spilled spot remover on my dog. He's gone now. I stroke it to the east... I stroke it to the west... I swear I will not kill anyone. I swear it was working 5 minutes ago... I sync, therefore I am. I taut I taw a dwagon! I did, I did see a Mozilla! I tell you, sonny, in my day we didn't have no fancy in-for-mation super-highway. I think "Fetsih" sounds better... I think that I shall never see, code as lovely as the tree... I think there is a seamonkey in my box I think therefore I bug I think, therefore I am confused. I think, therefore I am. But not necessarily today. I thought I made a mistake, but I was wrong. I thought Trinity was Neo's girlfriend...? I thought it was Monday I tried quitting, but the withdrawl symptoms were something awful -- Overheard at a meeting of Oxy-breather's Anonymous I trust I can rely on your vote I used to be arrogant, but now I'm perfect. I usually have a good grasp of something, when I have a grasp at all... I visited Bugzilla and all I got was this crummy T-Shirt. I wanna be Jim Morrison I wanna be like Mike! ... What? I want a Mozilla Christmas ornament! I want my pea! I EARNED that pea! I want to STAY HOME today! I want to bonk the button. I want to buy your women - the little girl - your daughters - sell them to me. Sell me your children! I want to die in my sleep like my Grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passenger in his car. I wanted to be a monkey, until I found out what they ate... I was _supposed_ to get sex last night and didn't happen.. i'm pissed off now I was born in the age of Duck and Cover. Now it's the age of Drag and Drop. I was in a car crash it wasn't the war, but I'll never be quit the same... I was looking back to see if you were looking back to see if I was looking back at you. I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth. I will sell you Mozilla for...one Meeeeellion dollars ! I wish I had a baseball bat the size of Rhode Island so I could beat the shit out of this stupid ass planet... I wish I was a Kellogg's corn flake, floating in a bowl takin' movies I wish I were what I was when I wished I were what I am. I wish life could be Swedish magazines I wish you get Better & Better with Gecko I won an award, you know... I wonder what this button does? I wonder... are these quips copyrighted? I work for money. If you want loyality, buy yourself a dog. I'am your father, Mozilla I'd hate to think we're all pawns in someone's sick chess game, because without any bishops or horsies, we'd really lose, wouldn't we? I'd rather be anywhere doing anything I'd rather be coding. I'd rather be driving I'd rather be thought a Win32 programmer and say nothing than speak up and remove all doubt. I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. I'd rather see this on T.V. I'd rather see this on TV I'll bet you five bucks that you won't give me $10. I'll burn that bridge when I come to it. I'll defer to you on this issue: I skipped Normative Catering Ethics 101. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. I'm a SAAAAAAAAAAAAAD panda I'm a happy little Seamonkey I'm a liar, believe me baby. I'm a little source code short and stout. This is my input this is my out! I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. I'm fast, I'm pretty, and can't *possibly* be beat! I'm going nucking futs ! I'm gonna need glue...Lot's of glue! I'm having spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam. I'm living on a blue line! I'm looking for a keyboard with an "any" key... I'm moving to Theory because everything works in Theory. I'm not a bug I'm not a bug... I'm nothing... I'm navel lint... I'm not a man! I'm a free number! I'm not a smart man, but I know what a bug is. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert. I'm not the pheasant plucker, I'm the pheasant plucker's son, and I will not pluck the pheasants till the pheasant plucker comes I'm not the principal of the line, mother. I'm not wearing any pants! I'm on a one-way ticket to Oblivion, and I'm gonna raise hell getting there! I'm passing gas through my penis! I'm raising bugs in my cubicle: walking sticks, dung beetles... I'm running M4.51 and... - Desperate Communicator user seeking help on moz.general I'm starting to worry about these quips... the list is larger in bytes than most supermodel pictures on the web... spare time, anyone? I've got it! Go call Shakespeare! 2B or not 2B = FF I've heard of unisex, but I've never tried it before... I've never been this old before! I don't think I can handle it! I/O failure. (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened? If I was paid to think, er ... If You'd Weigh a Whale at a Whale Weigh Station, Where Would You Weigh A Pie? If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around, but it lands on a mime, does anybody care? If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit? If anything on this ship is more important than my ego, I want it hunted down and shot! -Zaphod If at first you do succeed--try to hide your astonishment. If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0 If at first you don't succeed, failure may be more your style. If at first you don't succeed, fire all the staff and blame the president. If at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence that you ever tried. If at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking until you do suck seed If beer is not the answer, you asked the wrong question. If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose. If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization. If computing ever stops being fun I'll stop doing it If computing stops being fun, stop doing it If debugging is the process of removing bugs then programming must be the process of putting them in. If it ain't broke, break it. If it can't fit on a t-shirt, it's too complicated. If it compiles, it works... if it doesn't compile, comment out code until it does. If it doesn't compile: 1. Get Axe 10. Buy new computer. If it ever got to the point where the robotic space cats didn't cut ir everytime, I'd just "Form Blazing Sword" from the get go. If it moves, Nuke it !.... if if doesn't move, Nuke it till it does ! If it wasn't for 'C' we would be programming in OBOL, PASAL and BASI If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have had that last year of college If it's broken: fix it. If it works: reduce it to the previous case, which has already been solved... If it's not here then we'll just use our SAILOR TELEPORT If left to my own devices, I would have long ago ceased to eat and drink and never left my computer. If logic doesn't work, try humor. If one can talk on an Orange, and type on an Apple, what can you do with a Banana? If one standard is good, then two standards are better! If only we had a fix for TABLE DATA backround image bugs... If only you could see what I've seen with your eyes. -blade runner If that ain't country, I'll kiss your ass If the Creator had said, "Let there be light" in Ankh-Morpork, he'd have gotten no further because of all the people saying "What colour?" If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong. If the motorcycle ain't braking properly, you don't start by rebuilding the engine. If the wind changes it will freeze like that. If the world was made for jellyfish, things would be entirely different. If there were no BUGs............we wouldn't have our jobs! If they outlaw encryption, only outlaws will 62Xq3mrg45x69A96yvxi70gXrSdD+SCw If we do not find anything very pleasant, at least we shall find something new. If we took the bones out it wouldn't be crunchy, would it? If women today are feminists, why are many men still lifting boxes for them? If you DRY a Lizard they STAY GREEN! It don't work for asparagus though... If you aim for nothing in particular, that is exactly what you will get. If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the precipitate. If you are traveling at the speed of light in your car and turned on your headlights, what would happen? If you call yourself a mushroom, climb into a basket. If you cant say something nice, at least be vague If you didn't want that, then it's a feature! If you drop somethin clean and say "It's still good It's still Good" If you go to Z'ha'dum, you will die If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done. - Scott Adams If you knew where you stood, you'd be standing still. If you make it idiot proof, they just make better idiots.. If you make the Net idiot-proof you'll get idiots using the Net. If you need help in New York, say "Fire!". If you say "help" nobody cares. If you think about it, there is no such thing as here and now! If you were home now, you'd still be here. If you're going to live on the bleeding edge, you have to bleed a little. If you're not abstinant, you're screwed. If you're not on the edge you're taking up too much space If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. - Steven Wright If you're typing in your own clever headline, you have TOO much time on your hands! If you've ever wondered how people could spend $2.00 on a little bottle of Evian water, just spell Evian backwards. If your life passes before your eyes when you die, does that include the part where your life passes before your eyes? If your website was here, you'd be home already. If yu can't be with the one you love, love the one with the beer. Ignorance and arrogance are a bad combination Ikaga desu ka? Il monitor del vicino sempre pi verde Illiad's a llama shagger! Im Repetitive and Redundant. Im sorry, but this sounds like John Markoff wrote this. Imagination is more important than information. --Albert Einstein Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality. Imagine this: YOU are subject of this headline! Imagine what it's like to be beaten down by your own shoes.... Immerse your soul in love In my day we had proper drugs - they made us HALLUCINATE! In MY day you could hear the words in songs. Words like "Doo wah diddy diddy dum diddy doo!" In a emergency hologram situation, the holograms must be placed on a timeshare schedule. In a way, I like breathing - it helps. In a world of dumb users, programmers will always waste time on pointless routines. In all my years of judging I have never heard before of someone more deserving the full penalty of the law. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious. In football, when the refs have a meeting like that, it's called a peace confrence, because they are arguing over more space than those in Jerusalem. In space no-one can hear you cha-cha-cha! In that that is the way that it is, this is the way that it is. In the Beginning there was nothing, which exploded. In the beginning, Mozilla was just one line of code - ah, the nostalgia! In the dictionary "lumpyjaw" comes just before "lunacy". In life there are seldom such clues. In the land of Mozilla, where the shadows lie... In the unlikely event that this quip is ever seen, I'd like to say hi to all the people out there who have nothing better to do with their time than read quips. In theory, practice and theory are the same, but in practice they are different -- Larry McVoy Incrementalism is innovations worst enemy Innagaddadavida Insert funny but annoying quote here: Inside every living person is a dead person trying to get out. Inside every small problem is a large problem struggling to get out. Interesting... 31337 is prime... Internet Explorer is a great program... FOR ME TO POOP ON! Internet Explorer suxxx! Invalid Data Is "for (a;b;c) {d;}" the same as "a; while(b) { d; c; }"? Is it a dream where you see yourself in sort of sun-god robes standing on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you? Is it a sin to break the law? Is it good when your toe is green and you can't feel it? Is it just me, or is RickG getting shorter? Is it just me, or is Wilma Flintstone incredibly sexy? Is it one of those dreams where you're standing on a pyramid in sort of sun god robes with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you? Why am I the only one who has that dream? Is it possible to have deja vu and amnesia at the same time? Is my cup of tea at work my tea or is it IT? Is that all you got? Yo JavaScript should be JavaScrapt, you think HTML means HotMail... and don't even get me STARTED talking about yo mamaboard!!! Is that new MS language C# or Db (D flat)? Is that the dream with all the pink spiders wearing silver tracksuits ... What? It can't possibly be a bug. Oh please let it be wrong compiler options... It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others. It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full, whatever's inside is evaporating either way. It doesn't matter when it expires, it's gone! It doesn't work. I don't know why. It hung in the air the way bricks don't. It is a chilling thing, to read the witty ripostes to one's Slashdot comments, repeated as a Bugzilla quip. It is a far, far, better bug I fix than I have ever fixed. It is a poor workman who blames his tools It is much easier to make measurements than to know exactly what you are measuring. It is the misfortune of the pig to be delicious It is too late to work within the system and too early to kill the bastards. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying. It started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended in tragedy. It takes a teen age riot to get me out of bed (Sonic Youth) It throws core so it must be a cherry! It was a beautiful moment. Never before had I seen such a beautiful squid, and I would never again. It was once believed that if a million monkeys pounded on a million keyboards for an indefinite length of time, they would produce the complete works of Shakespeare. Today, thanks to the Internet, we know that this is not true. It's a DOM problem. It's a bug's life It's a bug, Jim, but not as we know it. It's a floor wax AND a dessert topping! It's a platform problem. It's a thankless job, but you've got a lot of Karma to burn off. It's an interface problem. It's astounding. Time is fleeting. Madness... takes it's toll. It's been a long time coming... It's compiles ! Let's ship it. It's crazy to claim that you're not crazy. It's get'in so as a businessman can't expect no return from a fixed fight. If you can't trust a fix, what can you trust? It's good of the lads to tell me my bed was on fire, or I might have gone to sleep and burned to death. It's got all the bugs and whistles. It's got these wings. It's hard to be an atheist when the gods come round in the evening and heave bricks through your window. It's hard to look in eyes of truth. Especially if it's naked... It's just another manic Monday It's just like coffee only it's water It's like Disneyland, but with hookers. It's like herding cats, only most of the engineers are already sick of laser pointers. It's like reality, but over there! It's nice to be important but it's more important to be nice. It's not a BugZilla... It's a FeatureZilla! It's not a bug as I can't replicate it on my machine. Try re-installing your OS. It's not a bug it's a development opportunity It's not a bug, it's a fe--#%$INVALID PAGE FAULT It's not a bug, it's a feature It's not a bug, it's a feature ..... It's not a bug, it's a feature! It's not a bug. It's a feature. It's not an actual memory leak as the system will free it up later...after shutdown It's not my problem. :) It's not polite to talk with your mouth full, and it's not polite to talk on the phone while you're taking a dump. And that pretty much sums up food etiquette from beginning to end. It's not rocket science, it's computer science. Duh. It's not what the W3C standard specifies. But seamonkey see, seamonkey do. It's only a model. It's snowing. No really. Not rain, but snow. It's so small I can't even find it. (Dilbert) It's the Love Bug! It's the eternal tea and buns! And the Vicar's lost his verger! It's the perfect deal - I promise to do everything they ask me to, and they promise not to ask me to do anything. It's too bad she won't live! But then again, who does? It's worse than that, it crashed, Jim. It's your father's lightsaber. I've been keeping this uncomfortable hunk of metal up my ass for a number of years now. Living out here all alone, waiting for the time when I could bestow it upon you... Its gotta be your bull JMS asks too many questions. Jabulanta Rumblah is a good man. Je me ferais bien sucer (bis) Je me ferais bien sucer... Jesus saves! Allah protects! And Cthulhu thinks you'd make a nice sandwich! Jesus saves, at the First National Bank. Jesus saves. Moses invests. Jumping the hose and freaking fat Just because it is not broken, does not mean that you can't fix it! Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you. Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they aren't you to get you... It just means you know! Just move it to M-57 Just remember, little lizards become big lizards! Just say Yo! Justice is incidental to law and order. --J. Edgar Hoover Keiichi can keep Belldandy, but please, God, send us Skuld! Keyboard not detected: Press F1 to continue. Keyboard: Device used for entering errors into the computer Kick his ass, C-bass! Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try. Kill her. Kill Mary? She is a risk. And get the priest too Kill the bugs, go to Mars and take out Jenny to the cinema, all this before dinner. Who can? Mozilla!!! Kind of makes you wonder why we stopped using slide rules, doesn't it? Kipp, ship it, it has been 3 years!!!!! Komputors nefer maik erers LISP = Lots of Irritating Silly Parenthesis LIVE LIFE LIKE LIME !!! LSD melts in your mind, not in your hand Las cucarachas entran pero no pueden salir! Last Flowers Until The Hospital Laugh and be fat. Layahs? What da ****? Learning by crashing Leave the door ajar? What will the door do with a jar? Let the carrots wear glasses. Let us consult the Book of Quips, Chapter 5, verse 16. Let us think the unthinkable, let us do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself and see if we may not eff it after all. Let's add some damn keybindings! Let's get a kebab and go to a disco! Let's introduce General Protection to Corporal Punishment Let's roll up our elbows and get to work. Lets have a monthly meeting every monday Lexicon is another word for thesaurus Lick my jockstrap, cap'n Lick my legs, I'm on fire Life is ... a post-M7 priority Life is Like an Egg Better Scrambled than Fried -- Ken Sawatari Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing -- Hellen Keller Life is good when you have a belly full of kippers. Life is like a bag of roosters. Life is like a box of checkins. You never know what you're gonna get Life is like a french fry. It gets cold, it gets soggy, and it gets limp if you let it lying around too long. Life is like a grapefruit. -- F. Prefect Life is like mass hysteria -Arcterex Life's a bitch and, sooner or later, she bites you. Life's a complicated gig, so give that ol' Dark Night of the Soul a hug, and howl the eternal YES! Life's not fair,"[...]"But the root password helps."--Simon Travaglia (BOFH) Light Pulses Flout Sacrosanct Speed Limit (headline courtesy Science News Magazine) Like a 30W lightbulb - dim and with no discernable function. Linux is a kind of religion, and most religions stick around for a couple of thousand years.... Linux is free only if your time has no value. - Jamie Zawinski Linux is not the answer. Linux is the question. And the answer is NOW! :) Linux is obsolete Linux, the OS with a CLUE (Command Line User Environment) Linux: Social Darwinism at work. Don't be culled from the hurd! Lisp is So Painful Little arrows that do nothing are annoying Live Fast, Diarreah. Live long, kill bugs, die happy. Loading page... Please wait forever. Long Blue Boomerang... Long journeys seldom begin in Chinese restaurants. Look at me! Look at me! I am locked in a continuum of cartoon fools! Look ma, I wrote a clever headline. Look out! Slashdot incoming! Look, it's not talk - you are allowed to use the backspace and cursor keys, you know... Looking for love, or a faster net link. Looks like a bug infestation to me. If only i could hire an exterminator... Looks like another year of kernel-hacking... Love is a many-gendered thing... Luke, I'm your father.... Luxuriantly hand-crafted of only the finest HTML. M'illumino d'immenso. [Ungaretti] MCSE: Minesweeper Consultant and Solitaire Expert FIRST POST!... Oh, this isn't www.slashdot.org? I apologize. MOZILLA The lizard roars MOZILLA verursachte einen Fehler durch eine ungltige Seite in Modul MSVCRT.DLL bei 015f:78001648. MOZILLA: The Next ICQ Machiavellian - goto http://tv.cream.org/boredrate/wuname/wuform.html for more info Madam, I'm Adam. Sir, I'm Iris. Madness takes it toll. Please have exact change. Mae Ling Mak, naked and petrified Make it real - Joseph Mazzello Make no mistake about it, the Internet is here to stay. Man who go to Thailand is probably going to Bang-kok Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement. Man, I'm hungry. You guys got any food here? Man, this program is quite buggy... But one day it will be the perfect browser! Management dictated that no bugs should ever make it to production. We no longer put code in production. Mangez moins. Pensez plus. Many is the slip twix cup and lip. Marissa's got a car! Mars will never be free until the sands run red with Earther blood Maschendrahtzaun Masochist to Sadist: "Hit me!" Sadist to Masochist: "No." Maturity is for those too young to know better. May a hell of a lot of Hispanic AT&T cable service workers have an affair with rabid Barbie Dolls while thinking lustfully of your Russian mail-order bride. May the Source be with you. May the best man win! May the bluebird of happiness crap all over you. May the force be with you -- April the 5th be with you, too. May the source be with you May your C syntax forever blink blue. Maybe next time you'd better steal the code and become a 'Bill'ionair Mc Donalds are currently selling the "Bongo-meal" in Sweden. Can you believe THAT? Me fail English? Thats unpossible! Me gusta los bugs. Donde esta el bao? Mediocrity: It's quicker, and by the time anybody notices, it's too late. Meet the cannibal with a heart... quick, before he eats it! Memory fault -- brain fried Memory is cheap and Network is fast. Don't worry about it. Message after right-clicking and selecting 'What's This?': No help topic associated with this item. Mi code is perfctli currect ! Milestone 42! The Final Answer? Milk - It does a computer bad =( Minds are like parachutes, they only work when open. Misspelled lepidopteri? Mmm. More sardines? How kind. Mmmm... Invisible cola. Mmmm... Tastes like chicken. Mmmm...64 slices of American Cheese. 63. 62.... Mo Zilla! Mo Zilla! Mo Mo Mo Zilla! Mo don't know that... Modula-3, used by dozens of people all over the world! Modular Quip: A foo walks into a bar... Mojo say: Ook. Momma always said, "Life is like coding for Mozilla, you never now what you are going to ge Mon-key...Mon-keyeeeeeee...Mon-key...don't-you-know-you've-got-to SHIP THE MON-KEY Money talks, bullshit walks Moobles are doinky! Morbo finds all humans pathetic More people have been to Russia than I have. More to be feared than ignorance is the pretense of knowledge. Most people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. Mostly harmless Mostly they come at night ... mostly Move the ship out of the asteroid field, so that we can send a clear transmission. Mozilla -- you been eating all those bugs, now you're eating dogfood -- GET A BREATH MINT FOR THIS LIZARD!! Must be a compiler bug. Mustangs, Camaros, and Goats, OH MY! [Overheard at car show] My breath is an apple; for one walks at night, under the ocean sun. My cat's breath smells like cat food My claws are sharp now. I shall rip you to shreds! My computer can do the Full Monty. Well, at least when I'm drunk. My consciousness has been transformed into static HTML! My dog bit me once and I told him he was a bad dog My friend wanted his year book quote to be "Evil will always triump because good is dumb". (Spaceballs) Instead he got "Evil will always triumph" and an appointment with a guidance counseler. My friends may be idiots, but they all think like me. My heart is filled with glue. --Kevin Birch My hovercraft is full of eels!!! My human gets me blues My idea of gun control is 5 rounds in the 10 ring at 50 feet. My lawyer helps me log onto AOL. He told me that Napster was BAAAAAD My lil' pet frog Aaron says 'HI' My mother said that to me once ... Once. My mother was a 14 year old french prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet My mouse quit working...Is the Internet down? My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings: look on these bugs, ye Mighty, and despair! My neeples ecksplowde with delight! My parents didn't have any children. My quip is better than yours. My reality check just bounced. My roommate bought a pet elephant, but he lost it. It's in the apartment somewhere -- Steven Wright Myself into the New Millennium Neophyte Hotline: I've got a problem. My mouse won't click. Netscape 6 sucks testicle sweat! Netscape is dead. Long Live Netscape. Netscape, Netscape, my kingdom for Netscape ! Netscape, better than your average acid trip. Network halted. Hit any user to continue... Neuroses are for slobs. Never Sniff a Gift Fish (or Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth). Never a dull moment with Netscape :-) Never ask why. Never before have I seen such beauty and radiance in Human Being Never before have so many bugs been caused by so few to haunt us all Never eat monkey meat... Never ever do that!!!!! Never expect to be able to add hooks into the user's wetware. Never hit your grandmother with a shovel, for it leaves a bad impression on her mind... Never judge an iBook by its cover. Never learn by your misstakes, if you do you may never dare to try again... Never program your computer to kill you. Just a piece of advice. Never put the words "diabolical master plan" on a resume Never test the depth of the water with both feet. Never trust anything that claims its own worth. Never trust anything you buy with good intentions Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Never underestimate the power of the Big Gun. Never underestimate the power of unbounded pessimism. Never use the corndog musket against mimes. Nevermindthecapslock-whatthehell'shappenedtomyspacebar? New Bug found. Start whine-pout sequence? (Y/N) New, improved! Damitol... Now in non-perscription strength. Damitol.. when you just don't give a damn anymore! News Coverage Banned as Obscene with Too Much Gore and Excessive Bush Shots News, News and News. Newsflash! Nelson's Column is still there! Next time, Gadget... Next time! Nice bug dude! Night can be a sweet kiss, though not a night like this. Nightly Builds! Better than Ted Koppel on phexophenadine! No No No, I don't want no BUG a BUG is an error than can't get no love from me... No T.V. and no beer make Homer something something... No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy. No brain, no pain! No bugs today, Mozilla's gone away... No good deed goes unpunished No matter how fast light travels it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it. No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats - approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less. No matter where you go, there you are. No matter who you vote for, government always wins. No noose is good noose. No one can accuse you of looking at dirty pictures when you're using Lynx. No one ever said on their deathbed, "Gee, if I'd only spent more time in the office" No one expects the Spanish Inquisition! - The Monty Python Boys. No one wants to hear from my armpits. No soup for you! No wine, no wife, no carrier.. No! Your other left! No, Meestah Bond! I expect you to die! No, no! Not the comfy chair! No, really it is a feature! trust me! No, really. I just wanted an orange soda. No, we do not gnaw on the kitty - No! No-one ever says 'Ftmch' by accident. Nobody Likes You Nobody ever said this was going to be queasy ... Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Nobody knows less about what features an application should contain than the people who write the code. Non Gratum Anus Rodentum Nonlinear Deterministic Flow Not all men are stupid. Some are bachelors. Not funny, but... why can't I use SECURE ROAMING via HTTPS in MOZILLA????? Noted ... thank you. Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come. Nothing is so useless as a general maxim. --Thomas Macaulay Nothing to be done to make World Notice: If you notice this notice you'll notice that this notice is not worth noticing, so STOP noticing this notice. Notice: Spelling mistakes left in for people who need to correct others to make their life fulfilled. Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature. Now better! It crashes 32% faster than Win95 Now, weary traveller, rest your head. For just like me, you're utterly dead. Oh wo-ow... Technofear! All the machinery's ganging up on me! Oh to find a computer store open on sunday when you need that dang floppy cable you forgot saturday Oh what torment do the bugs bring me today - Aristotle, 420 BC Oh yeah; sorry. I've always had a bit of a blind spot with 5s. Oh yeah? Well if you're so smart, why aren't you rich? Oh, cookie cookie cookie starts with 'C'! Oh, for the good old days when all you needed to say was :-) Oh, get on the game! The pay's good, and you can work from home! Old programmers never die, they just disassemble. On my way to work I was kidnapped by a band of pixies in a souped up teapot... On ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them..." On the internet, inside information is currency, and there will always be counterfeiters among us. - jms Once is an accident. Twice is a coincidence. Three times is a conspiracy. Once is an accident. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action. Once when I was in elementary school i did weewee in my pants and my mother had to come pick me up. That episode scarred me for life. Thank you. Once you remember not to forget what to remember you cannot forget to remember what you remembered not to forget! One born every minute . . . One browser to rule them all and in the darkness bind them... One bug....Two bugs....Red bugs....Blue Bugs.... One cannot command, only earn. One hundred security holes in the code, one hundred security holes... One man's boil is another's tomato. One of the universal rules of happiness is: always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual. One test is worth a thousand opinion One time, I was playing the computer. Then I smelled salsa. Only Bikers understand why dogs love to stick their heads out car windows. Only a mediocre person is always at his best Only drank two beers? Thats no reason to stop Only when the night is darkest do we see the dawn Only you can prevent forest fires! Onward through the fog! Ooo, ooo, Ooo, ooo, oooooo! I've got a GNU attitude! Oops, I did it again... Opening a can.... Optimization is the root of all evil! Or maybe I'm a bowling ball dreaming I'm a plate of sashimi! Never assume that what you see and feel is real. -Chrono Trigger Orange you glad you bought a Macintosh? Organ transplants are best left to the professionals. Originally it was designed specifically for FF4, but has recently been released to the public as "Thingy". Oswald may have pulled the trigger, but that doesn't mean hes responsibile. Our best people are working on that. Our generation has had no Great Depression, no Great War. Our war is spiritual. Our depression is our lives. -- Tyler Durden, Fight Club Our only hope lies in the mind of Kiki Out Foul Daemon! Oxymoron: Legal Ethics Oxymoron: Military Intelligence Oy, Gestalt! PBHK: the most common computer problem.... a.k.a. problem between head and keyboard PCMCIA - People Can't Memorize Complicated Internet Acronyms PCMCIA? Pulse Code Modulated Central Intelligence Agency?! PEBCAK - Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard PHP: if(isset($bug)) {squash($bug);} PROZAC: Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't. Pack up the kids, we're moving to the coast. Pardon me, but I believe your hair is on fire. Party like it's 1899! Patience, Grasshopper. People should get beat up for stating their beliefs. -- They Might Be Giants People who live in glass houses should draw the blinds before removing their trousers. People who used magic without knowing what they were doing usually came to a sticky end. All over the entire room, sometimes. Perl: the only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption :) Persistence is futile! Pie! - It's delicious, mouth-watering, and geeks best-friend. It's 3.1415926535 Pika! Pi, Pika, Pika, Pi, Pikachu!!! Pink Floyd - The Official Band of Disgruntled Programmers Everywhere Please explain the scientific nature of the Whammy. Pobody's Nerfect! Poison each day keeps the bugs at bay. Premature optimization is the root of all evil. Primum non nocere. Ut vidi, ut peril, ut me malus abstutit error. Problems worthy of attack ... prove their worth by hitting back. Process legitimises outcome. Procrastination rarely works, but when it does, it's a beautiful thing Programmers are almost as good at reading documentation as they are at creating it. Programmers are the sex symbol of the 21st centry. Programming is like sex: One mistake and you have to support for a lifetime. Programming is merely selecting an initial state for the finite state machine called Computer. Pssst...anyone wanna buy a hoofed mammal? Purgamentum init, exit purgamentum. Push this link reboot your computer. Push this link to crash your computer. Put my head in your hands and shake it. Put on your glasses and watch how things smell good. Q. What's TCP/IP stand for? -- A. Trademarks, Copyrights, Patents / Intellectual Property Q: Why did the Cyclops stop teaching? A: He only had one pupil. QA can walk on water...if the water is frozen Quantula sapientia mundus regitur. -- Oxenstierna Question: How do you fix a bug? Is it A) Step on it. B) Delete random lines of code. C) Buy a new computer. or D) Whats a bug?. Is that your final answer? Quick Scan. Feed 7 Quick, we have to get to Carly Simon's house or we'll never know if that song was about me! Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur. Quiero emigrar. Desplazarme en el espacio, nunca puedo descansar. Quiet! The maestro is de-composing... Quip error 23: No clever quotes found. REALITY.SYS corrupted. Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q) _ Real World Win32 Tech Support: "Uninstall the computer via the Control Panel and Reinstall it properly". Real artists ship. --Steve Jobs Real programmers do check their code mentally, actual testing is for beginners. Reality is for people who aren't smart enough to play role playing games Reboot is not a debugging technique... Rebooten hath an effect. Recursion (see Recursion) Recursive (ri-ker-siv): adj; See "recursive" Red or Green? Of such things are Holy Wars made... Regular exercise at the gym Rehab's for quiters!! Religious wars: fighting over who has the better imaginary friend Remember Mr. McGirk? Big Crappy Irish Guy?? Umm... Oh yeah. Remember, the freedom to swing your fist ends at the tip of my nose -- Richard Stallman Remember, this is for posterity, so be honest. Remember: Everything you see on screen is but ones and zeros. Render unto Caeser what is Caeser's. Render fat unto fat. Render pages quick and clean. Repeat rapidly: Friar Tuck's fire truck, Friar Tuck's fire truck, ... Repent Harlequin said the TickTockman. Request timed out. Requirements for June 30: Must be non-portable Resistance is "Nearly" Futile Respect my authoriTAH! Respect my authority! Restaurants are much more responsible than software vendors. Find a single bug in their product, and they give it to you for free. Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow! Riddles of the Universe explained here Right now, everything is a little wonky! Rolling stones in time save people in glass houses gathering too many cooks. Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic and so am I. Rotten! Rotten to the CORE! Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream... Running's not a plan - running's what you do when a plan fails! SAMS Teach Yourself World Domination in 24 Hours SPAM is good for the heart and soul. SPOOOOON! - The Tick SUSPICION BREEDS CONFIDENCE Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft Sanity is for Sissies - Mr Toad Save the whales. Feed the hungry. Free the mallocs. Say something witty and the world will remember you forever -- Anonymous Scientific progress went "Boink!"... and then there were two. Scotty? .... Scotty?.... where the devil are you! Screw you guys: I'm going home. Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves. Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning Secret CONFIG.SYS command: BUGS=OFF Seeaaaa Monkey... that funky monkey. Segmentation fault Seinfeld: Mozilla is alpha. Not that there's anything wrong with that, my father was alpha. Sell me your shoes! Send me your teeth and I will give them crest Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question, yes is the answer. Sex, Bugs, Rock'n'Roll. Shadwell hated all southerners and, by inference, was standing at the North Pole. Shall we import lard or steel? Let me tell you, preparedness makes us powerful. Butter merely makes us fat. She Turned me into a NEWT!! She want's me. Damn, she's got willpower. Short sentences seem true. Should I tell you what I want? What I really really want? I wanna... I wanna... I wanna zippy zig ha! Shouldn't the psycic friends be the ones who call YOU??? Shredded tire bits are modern highway flowers. Shut up and code... Sign outside Church: "How will you spend eternity -- Smoking or Non-smoking?" Sincerity is everything -- fake that, and you've got it made. -- George Burns Singdo is a lovely bear. He wish he could singing together with you. Slow down you move to fast you've gotta make the morning last just kicking down the coble stone lookin' for fun and feelin' groovy So this is Earth! I've only ever seen it in pictures before. It's just like I imagined it - only much shorter. So what species do you think we evolved from? So you're some kind of wise guy, eh? So, I says, blue M&M, red M&M, they all wind up the same color in the end. So, now that we the AOM, COM, and DOM -- where's da BOM? So, somebody DOES read these! So, we meet again, Mr. Bond!!!! So, what's the deal with Auntie Gerschwitz et all? So, you think you have outwitted me? Think again, Mr Banoogy! Socialism is when man exploits man. Capitalism is the reverse. Software Installation and Use. You may only install and use one copy of the SOFTWARE PRODUCT on the COMPUTER Software engineering is the only field where adding a whole new wing is called "maintenance." Software for people - not money! Software never gets rust. Soilent Green - Iiiissss Pppeeooopppplee!!!!!!! Some come out of necessity, others out of desire. Combined we avail! Some days it's not worth chewing through the leather straps. -- Emo Phillips Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield. Some guys are always trying to iceskate uphill. Some people live life in the fast lane. I live life in oncoming traffic. Some things have got to be believed to be seen. Some where out there rednecks are breeding like rabbits ! Something is rotten in the state of Denmark ... and HAMLET's taking out the trash! Sometimes I wake up and think. Sometimes it doesn't matter if a glass is half full or half empty. What really matters is what's in the glass. Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness -- T. Pratchett Sometimes when I'm bored, I strip naked and dance around. My classmate and professor don't seem to enjoy this. Sometimes when you look into his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving. --David Letterman Sometimes, when I get uppity, I refer to recursion as 'iteration abstraction'. Sometimes... a bug is just a bug. Soon you will meet your doom. Spaghetti code is tasty code! Stand up, walk away from the computer, go outside, move your body in a natural manner Steinbach's Guideline for Systems Programming: Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle. Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau." - Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929. Stop Repeat Offenders. (Quit re-electing them.) Stop the Violins Stop those damn anti-matter chickens! Straight outta Compton, crazy browser named Mozilla Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. Syntax terror in line 42 System Error 0x47fd8328. Replace User. System error: your mouse need some cheese TANSTAAFL THAT was the equation! Existence, survival must CANCEL OUT programming! - Ruk [OldTrek] Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy Talk to the hand, the hand doesn't listen... Television is bubble-gum for the mind. --- Frank Lloyd Wright Tell a computer to WIN and you lose. That is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange aeons, even death may die. --H. P. Lovecraft, _The Call of Cthulhu_ That isn't a feature... it's a bug! That statement is either so deep it would take a lifetime to fully comprehend every particle of its meaning, or it is a load of absolute tosh. Which is it, I wonder? That was delicious! I wonder what it was...? That which does not kill me has poor aim That's just totally shady! In fact it's beyond shady - it's surreal! That's not a bug. It's a feature! That's not a moon... It's a space station! The 'Any' key is the one labeled 'I/O'. The eripmE The Automated Self-Destruct System will go off in three, two, one-and-a-half, just kidding, Zero... The Self-Destruct System has failed, please reboot the Self-Destruct System. The Death FNORD plans are not in the FNORD computer. The Deeper You Go, The Bigger The Jellyfish. The Early Worm Has a Death Wish The Four Stages of Industry Transition: Denial, Desperation, Litigation, Legislation. The Gene Pool needs a little chlorine The Internet, of course, is more than just a place to find pictures of people having sex with dogs. -Time Magazine The Kappamaki, a whaling research ship, was currently researching the question: How many whales can you catch in one week? The Poor - if you don't help them they sort of die soon, don't they? The World Wide Web is like its namesake: dirty and full of bugs. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of Mozilla. The angle of the dangle is inversely proportional to the heat of the meat. The answer is 42 The authorities are closing in. The beautiful, candy-like button! PRESS IT! The beef is in the fridge. The believer is happy. The doubter is wise. The best form of cryptography is poetry. -Chris Boot The best multiplayer game in existance has always been solitaire. The bug remains. You need only change its surroundings to remove it. The buglist picks a random quip for the headline, and you can extend the quip list. Type in something clever or funny or boring The buglist picks a random quip for the headline, and you can extend the quip list. Type in something clever or funny or boring and bonk on the button. The bugs a man makes, is a gateway to his sowl... The bugs are being used to spy on us... The butler did it. The cabinet suffered a reverse with all the tax bills but one. The chick pea is neither a chick nor a pea. Discuss. The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. The evidence before the Court is incontrovertible - there's no need for the jury to retire. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. The fat man walks alone at midnight. The fewer functions any device is required to perform, the more perfectly it can perform those functions. The first cup of coffee recapitulates phylogeny The following disclaimer is intended to prevent anybody from thinking any bad thoughts about what they are about to read: The managment of this, or any website, publishing this, or portions thereof, is or are hereby forever not responsible for any perceptions, misperceptions, conceptions, conscriptions, prescriptions, or magazine subscriptions... The glass is two times too big The grass may be greener on the other side, but it still needs to be mowed. The guy said bonk on the button, not have a seizure on it. The history of the planet is a history of idiocy, highlighted by a few morons who stood out as comparative geniuses. -- William S Burroughs The horse raced past the barn fell. The hotel of your mind is full of many vacancies. The kneebone's connected to the... something. The something's connected to the... red thing. The red thing's connected to my wrist watch. ...Uh oh. The lack of planning on your part does not constitute to an emergency on mine The large green lizard is naked and petrified. How embarrassing. The last thing you'd ever want to do in your life is the last thing you do. The light at the end of the tunnel is the lamp of the oncoming train. The magic word is squeamish ossifrage The majority has might - unfortunately - but right it is not. Right are I and a few others... The man gave a shrug which indicated that, although the world did indeed have many problems, this was one of them that was not his. The meek shall inherit the Earth, for they are too timid to refuse it. The message brought to you by Jean-Jacques Binks, Jar Jar's life partner The middle brake light should turn yellow with foot off of the gas, red with foot on the brake! The mind is like a parachute. It works much better if it is open. The more I learn, the less I seem to know. The more you drive, the less intelligent you get The more you look at it, the less you see it. The most frightening thing about professional wrestling is that some of its fans are registered voters. The new Star Wars will save all world economies! The new phone directories are available outside the mail room on the plaza level The number of bugs varies in the inverse square of the distance of the manager from the worker. The odds justifies the ends. -- doom@kzsu.stanford.edu The only reason Time exists is to keep everything from happening all at once. The only support site on the net - where you really can see people work! The only thing we learn from history is that we never learn anything from history The only thing worse than infinite recursion is infinite recursion. The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. -- Oscar Wilde The optimist believes this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist agrees. The penguin will be fried by a friendly daemon tonight! The people don't have bread? Let them eat cake! The price of freedom is eternal debugging. The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action. The purpose of reporting bugs is to get them fixed. The reason of the unreasonable treatment of my reason so enfeables my reason that with reason I complain of your beauty. - Don Quixote (Cervantes) The reason of the unreasonable treatment of my reason so enfeebles my reason that with reason I complain of your beauty. The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man. The regurgitation of the tyrano-saurus rex The spoon remains. You need only change its surroundings to remove it. The streets will run red with the bllod of the unbelievers! ;) The students were staring at her in the manner of those who have heard of the species 'female' but have never expected to get this close to one. The stupider people think you are, the more suprised their going to be when you kill them. The surname of Tarzan is Clark The tab is there to open the can. The can is there to hold in the spam. The taxidermist is a lonely man. The television business is a long plastic hallway, where theives and pimps run rampant, and good men die like dogs. The toughest bug to find is one that isn't there. The truth is out there... and so are the bugs... The vastness of it all dawned on me. [after Ungaretti] The war will be won! The way we need to fix it is the same way we ignored it before. The world is not as simple as you think it is The world is your oyster - so EAT IT!! The worst thing anyone can do for me is leave me to my own devices. The worst type of murder is spoon murdering The younger we are, the more we want to change the world. The older we are, the more we want to change the young. Their are two errors in this sentence. (Don't think TOO hard on this one :) Therapy helps, but screaming obscenities is cheaper. There are many excuses for being late, but none for being early. --Oscar Wilde There are no stupid questions, just inquisitive idiots. There are three kinds of people, those who know how to count and those who don't. There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who can't. There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it. There are two errors in this this headline. There are two kinds of people, those who divide people into two kinds and those who don't. There are two types of people: those who can be categorized and those who can't. There is a fine line between being the man and being that guy. There is no I in team, but there is a me. There is no more common error to assume that, because prolonged and accurate mathematical calculations have been made, the application of the result to some facet of nature is absolutely certain. There is no spoon. There is nothing here that does not fade There is nothing to fear but fear itself... and the monsters under your bed.. There is nothing wrong with sex on television - unless yours uses an indoor aerial. There never was a good war or a bad peace. -- B. Franklin There once was a girl fron Nantucket, and if something needed to be shipped she would truck it. There was a roar like the scream of a camel who has just seen two bricks. There we stood: two against a thousand...and they were the toughest pair we ever took on! There will always be death and taxes. The difference is that death doesn't get worse every year. There's never time to do it right, but always time to do it again. There's no accounting for bad taste. There's no such thing as a stupid question - just stupid people. There's nothing on top but a bucket and a mop There's so much that I can do so little about, but so little that we cannot do much about. There's too much blood in my caffeine system These are all 'known bugs'. Whats the frickin' problem? These are finitely FIFO-queued quips... quit adding repeats! They don't make nostalgia like they used to. They don't need pants - they're not real. They made us wear thongs. It wasn't pretty. They say that heaven is like T.V. - A perfect little world, where nothing ever happens. And everything there is made of light... They say we shouldn't eat animals. Then why are they made of meat? They sit for endless hours a month scratching their heads trying to understand cryptic messages displayed to them on the screens of their computers. -Kurt Vonnegut "Timequake" They tell us that we lost our tails, evolving up from little snails. I say it's all just wind in sails. They took the bar! The whole f*cking bar! Things are not always what they seem to be Think Differently: Use Proper Grammer Think of it as evolution in action Think of something original you Bitch Think or Thwim Thinkest thou it shall tickle as I rip out thy lungs? This CGI keeps truncating my qu This LAN is my LAN, this LAN is your LAN . . . This ain't no van down by the river. This browser will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck, Jim. This document was supplied free of defects in spelling, punctuation or grammar. Check with your provider for possible errors in reception. This is a clever headline. Stop bonking buttons. This list is way too big already. This is a quip. This is only a quip. If this had been an actual coherent thought, it would have been interesting. This is a zither. This is an ancient Aztec death curse. All who see it will die horribly. Too bad if you looked! This is not a self-referential headline. This is not the end, not even the beginning of the end, but, perhaps, the end of the beginning - Winston Churchill This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who. This is where mechanical excellence; 1400 horse power pays off. This isn't Mission Difficult, Mr. Hunt, it's Mission Impossible This machine will not communicate these thoughts and this strain I am under. This makes LISP look like a paragon of syntatic sanity... This means something. This is important. This quip intentionally left blank. This quip is my fifteen minutes of fame ........ some people are really slow readers. This really bugs me. This sentence is false. This sentence no verb This should work, but if it doesn't, just ignore it. This society is based upon rules. If it were not for these rules, there would be only chaos. This web is my web, this web is your web... This week I ar bin mosly eatin tyres. This would run better on a MAC Those who cannot recall the past are employed in Redmond. Those who don't understand unix are doomed to reinvent it, poorly Those who have given up on their dreams will discourage you from yours. Thou shalt not have any other browser besides Mozilla! Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead. Three months in the laboratory can save you three hours in the library. Three words: force user input. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. Time is like Fire, in which we burn. Time to kick-ass and chew bubblegum... --Duke Nukem Tiny bubbles, in the wine, makes me feel happy, makes me feel fine. Tip: Don't spit in the wind. Tip: Don't wiz on an electric fence. To "RTFM", I say... TMFMR (Too Many %*#@ Manuals to Read) To C++ or not to C++ -- oogh, let me stick to JavaScript... To Mozilla or not to Mozilla, that is the question. To alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems. To be a good lover, you must first train alone To boldly go where no internet browser has gone before! To code or not to code... that is the next question... To have ambition was my ambition (bang bang you're dead!) To me, Kenneth Baker is a perfect example of why one should always try and kill Kenneth Baker. To quip is to be error. To succeed, you must walk like a butterfly on the wind. To the dark side, bugs lead. To anger and to hate. To suffering... To understand a man, you should walk a mile in his shoes. If you're still bothered by what he says, it's okay, because you will be a mile away and you will have his shoes. Toilet seats should be returned to their upright and locked positions. Tomorrow never comes, it's all the same #%$@* day Too err is human...to speed it up is a computers job Too many freaks, not enough circuses. Too many people say "Yes"... I just say "Seven"... Too much is always better than not enough Too much is always better than not enough. -Dobbs, 1957 Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines Tried and Tested Revolutionary Advance Troubled words of a troubled mind True or False? (((321983,5423+3521,36)/(74126-3))*65901,5134) = 289400,93737017040351847604657124 Trust me, everyone knows how to play air guitar... Truth is a one-eyed cripple, walking in the dark, trying to find a hot dog. Truth is what is left after all lies have been told. Try it Now... Try not... Do or do not... There is no try... -- Yoda Try to remember: three running steps before you take off. Trying is the first step towards failure. Turn on, log in, fight spam. Turn this thing off and go outside. Twice as good as a can of Raid! Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do. Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do... Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left. Two wrongs is only the beginning. Type in something clever or funny or boring and bonk on the button. USA! For what you start trade war with Russia? Ug's Theory of Gravity: Things fall down. Uh, oh. My peril-sensitive sunglasses have just gone dark... Um, can I borrow your mom for a bit? Umm..., this is not my childhood home... Uncertainty can be a guiding light..... Unfortunately, no one can be told what Gopher is. You have to see it for yourself. Unichusetts of Massaversity Unique New York -- Unique New York -- Unique New York -- Unique New York Unix Is A User Friendly Operating System....It's Just Picky About Whose Its Friends Are. Ur, I was just cleaning it and it went off...? Use only as directed in the ReadMe file VRML will do for the web what 3D movies did for the film industry. -Me Vacuume Cleaner for computers: format C: Vaporizers don't vaporize Zarborians. Zarborians vaporize Zarborians. Very funny Scotty... Now beam down my clothes! Vini Verdi Visa: I came, I saw, I charged it. Vremia letit vpered, i my letim vmeste s nim... --M. Naumenko WARNING: Excessive use of mankind can enslave technology. WARNING: Only 16,707 Days left to accomplish your life goals! WHAT THEY SAY: 90% of the problem is solved with 10% of the work. WHAT THEY MEAN: you only have to solve 90% of the problem. WHAT THEY SAY: unix is simple and beautiful. WHAT THEY MEAN: being simple and beautiful is better than being complete and correct. WINDOWS is not the question ! WINDOWS is the answer ! And the answer is NO ! WYSIAG - What You See Is A Gorilla Wabbit Season. Duck Season...Fire!!! Waiter, excuse me, waiter...there seems to be a bug in my browser... Waitress! There's a bug in my Mozilla! Was it Mozilla in the back room with the breath of fire? Watch it - You're trying my infinite patience! We are Pentium of Borg, devision is futile, you will be approximated. We are just packets in the internet of life... We are scientists. We are studying you. Please assist us. We are the Knights who say 'Free'! We could do it like the Other Guys: yesterday's technology, today, at tomorrow's prices! We have detected that you don't have a brain. Please install "Mind 98". We must view young people not as empty bottles to be filled, but as candles to be lit. We're now recruiting for the MICP: Mozilla in Cobol Project We're the 4 in "404 Not Found" We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the Complete Works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true. -Robert Wilensky Welcome to Life 0.19 Beta (tm). Please pardon our apearance while we reorganize. What I like about deadlines is the lovely whooshing sound they make as they rush past. -- Douglas Adams What a day outside... The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them---as is my understanding... What boots up... must come down. What can you accomplish by wading into a giant bowl of generic cereal with a 30-pound explosive device? What code? You mean that was a production machine? What color is a chameleon on a mirror? What did people do to cause accidents before cell phones? What grosses out Dung Beetles? What happens to innovation when the Borg die? Well, it turns out, we actually might have some then. What if there were no hypothetical questions? What is the sound of one mind screaming? What is this fly doing here in my monitor? What our ancestors would really be thinking, if they were alive today, is: "Why is it so dark in here?" What part of "evil super mario brothers" don't you understand? What were you expecting? A detailed explanation of why you suck from from Antonin Scalia? What you'll do tomorrow will cost you a day of your life. BTW, any plans? What your about to see is for your mouth only so close your eyes plug your ears and OPEN WIDE What're you doing here? Go out and get a life, son! What's all this shouting? We'll have no shouting here ... this is a LOCAL SHOP! What's with this Y2K thing ?? There weren't any problems at the last millenium change either... Whatever!!! The answer is, NO! Whats another word for thesaurus? Whats the difference between an elephant ? He can neither jump. When I am sad and weary; When I think all hope has gone; When I walk down High Holborn; I think of you with nothing on. (Adrian Mitchell) When I answered where I wanted to go today, they just hung up. When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped. - Marcel Achard When I grow up I want to be a crash test dummy. When I was a lad, I served a term, as office boy, to an attorney's firm... When an unmutated object is delegating all its properties to its prototype, and you set a proto-property that has a setter, or the new shared attribute, you do not want to make a new scope for the object and clone that proto-prop into the object's new scope! When are these quips coming out in paperback? Have the film rights gone yet? Is there a miniseries in the works? When in an erotic story, do not put on boots you are unfamiliar with. When in danger or in doubt, run in circles scream and shout! -- Robert A. Heinlein When it comes to envy, y'all is green. Jealous of my code and my subroutine. When my kleptomania gets bad, I take something for it. When my wife wanted a pearl for her anniversary, shouldn't have taught her PERL. When our backs are against the wall, we shall turn and fight! - John Major When our car needs inspection would you rather cops walk around writing tickets OR mechanics walk around inspecting cars? How would you rather they spend your money? When required to generate random data for crypto key generation, playing the "keyboard air guitar" is highly reccomended. When the bugs get tough, the tough take benzedrine. When the computer learns to speak natural English, all errors will become "Excuse me?!?" When you're dead, you've lost an important part of your life. -- Broke Shields When you're tempted to fight fire with fire, remember the fire department uses water. Where the leading edge meets the lunatic fringe Where's the ANY key? I see TAB, CiTaReL and PiGUP. -- Homer Wherever you go, there you are. -=thrasher=- Whining is for losers, and I HATE having to listen to them. Who needs action when you've got words? Who's General Failure and why's he reading my hard drive? Who's this General Failure guy, and why is he trying to read my hard drive? Whoa There CowBoy! I Think We Got Us A Situation Here! Whoever said "Beauty is only skin-deep" never met the many skins of Mozilla. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? Why #define PI 3.14159265358979? In case the value of PI ever changes. Why are you trying to fix all these bugs? Windows will make it crash anyway. Why can't you make a normal snowman Why couldn't the bike participate in the race? . . . Because it was too tired. Why did Jesus die on the cross? He forgot his safe word. Why did Kamakazi pilots wear helments? Why do I get (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore? They all do the same thing anyway - namely, pop up a little message that says "(A)bort, (R)etry, (I)gnore?"... Why do I have the feeling that someday I'll be describing this to a psychiatrist? Why do people write these quips anyway? Don't they have anything better to do? Why do they call it rush hour when nobody moves? Why do they waste all that money installing 15 checkout lines and then only use two? Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway? Why does it smell so much worse, when you fart in the bathtub? Why doesn't anybody ever bash Cisco in these quips? Why fix it? Why?....good question. Why is everyone here talking about these insects with funny names? Why is it that i spend 40% of my time writing the DHTML, and 60% debugging it?! Why would you take the blue pill when you can go skateboarding with Francine? Works on my machine... Would it save both of us a lot of time if I just gave up and go crazy right now ? Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. Yikes that's a lot of bugs, better get out the fly swatter Yo, foo'. I be into da hos in da hood. Tell me what da hell yo' be into fo' I draw yo' red gravy. You always hear about CSS1 and DOM1, but how come nobody mentions that these standards SUCK and we need CSS2 and DOM2 badly? You are depriving a village somewhere of an idiot You are feeling hungry and tired. You really ought to have a meal about now. You are here, you should be over there, heres Waldo You can eat almost anything, but its generally best to stick with food... You can get something done 1.) Fast 2.) Right 3.) Cheap; pick two. No, Moz, you can't just pick 3.) You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind. You can never add too much water to a nuclear reactor! - SNL You can save yourself the trouble, Doctor, everything reminds me of sex. You can tell he's bored - he's alphabetising his quips. You can't depend on your judgment when your imagination is out of focus - Mark Twain You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you. You can't go mucking with a 'void *' You know how dumb the average person is? Well, by definition, half of 'em are dumber than THAT. You know that feeling when you're leaning back in a chair, and you're leaning, leaning, and just as you are about to fall backwards and you catch yourself at the last second?? That's how I feel all the time . . . You know you've been using Linux too long when you wish you car were as reliable as your computer. You know, if I hadn't told you you'd never have known that I'm typing this with my pants around my ankles... You like the lizard more than me, dont you, Dave?? You mean it's not supposed to do that? You never know what will be your next headline. You think your Commodore 64 is pretty neat-o. What kinda chip you got in there, a Dorito? Your favorite bug has been identified, multiplied and added to the latest option pack. cheers. Your mouse has moved. Windows must be restarted for the change to take effect. Restart now? [OK] [Cancel] Your mouse has moved. Restart windows for the changes to take effect. Your village called, their idiot is missing Your weapon was manufactured by the lowest bidder. Zarro Boogs - The answer to life, the universe and everything. Zen master to hotdog vendor: "Make me one with everything." Zonk, Zonk, Zonk. All you ever do is code [Dogfood Quip Of The Week(tm)] Mmm, this patte tastes wonderful... [slashdot fortune] "Why waste negative entropy on comments, when you could use the same entropy to create bugs instead?" -- Steve Elias all bugs are shallow if public... and deeply hidden if private bash-2.02$ make love Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop. because my proxy server blocks all *://*.msn.* sites!! hahah!! buggy buggy bo buggy banana fana fo fuggy me my mo muggy - - - buggy don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive! draw the gun up to your head. pull the trigger and you'll be dead. like the child that went unfed. hungry for the fatal lead. e pluribus unix eagles may soar, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines. every one and every thing and every time. and lies. and lies. and lies. who will save us now? everyone always says you can see 54 everywhere. Well what about 69? everyone wants to think they are sooo freaking different... well its not true... no matter how much you want to be unique... its the same ole boring humanity... with the same ole boring humans doing the same ole boring human things... `cept now we have sun glasses. exist-p? f u cn rd ths, u r prbbly a lsy spllr. feel the poison bring you down. wear your sorrow like a crown. emptyness and death confound. slowly crash without a sound. for those of you watching in black and white, the Queen's hat is still blue gelatinous tubercules of purulent oscification give it up for the monkey, give it up for the monkey, give it up for the monkey guinness is good for you hey bar tender- hit me with your best shot his waxen wings did mount above his reach, till melting heavens conspired his overthrow - Dr Faustus how deep will be mankinds layer in the fossil record..? how many s does it take to end that task? i want to live inside your undreamed secrets of yestermore. never letting go of your perfect nothingsongs. iMac: never trust a product which is hyped on the basis of its packaging... if i can suceed in making a webiste for my band, i'll put up the address in one of these here quips. if it ain't broke... then you ain't looking hard enough. if it works, don't break it. if only RAID made a spray for computers... if you only knew how far.. never ask.. the memories will fade.. like everything that we force aside.. why, oh why.. never ask.. if you save everything 'til the last minute, it only takes a minute in theory, there is no difference between theory & practice, but in practice, there is... istream >> ostream >> "We all scream for ice cream"; just try to realize the truth. there is no beast lie in the grass and die, Danny Boy! looks like he's about ready for another squeezin'... made with only the freshest elves. make config. not war. make the world go away. can not live to face the day. still i force myself to stay. the reasons why, i can not say. man who lay in front of car get tired, man who lay behind car get exhausted many is the slip twiz cup and lip me and my crew are better than you! money is not the measurement of wealth, wealth is measured by the friends you keep, but it does help. monkey's never quite see the light at the end of the evolutionary tunnel. go monkeys! mozilla - don't hate the playa hate the game nsXYZStrangeNotationWithoutMeaningOrLogic.cpp(749473455) : fatal error C1999: Too much bloat: Shoot programmer oh god, I just killed everybody. now what? on the other hand, you have different fingers one for one, and all for none. reaping the seeds of sorrow failure crushed. optimize or die pay no attention to the man behind the browser.... printf("My computer gets insulted when I speak in English. so, just because it's Veronica's birthday (my computer), I'm speaking in C.\n"); program, n.: A magic spell cast over a computer allowing it to turn one's input into error messages. tr.v.: To engage in a pastime similar to banging one's head against a wall, but with fewer opportunities for reward. programmer, hack thyself. randel, n.: A nonsensical poem recited by Irish schoolboys as anapology for farting at a friend. reckless and wild / they pour through the turns / their prowess is potent / and secretly stern remember: A faster mozilla means it can crash that much quicker! roooxxxyyy is the beeestttt doooog innn tthehee wooorld! scott me up beamy secrets not spoken are secrets not broken segmentation fault when fixing fonts in preferences so explain to me, anybody, why i heard there's going to be a netscape 6.0 released next month (april 2000) when this here so called seamonkey 5.x isn't even thru alpha and beta tests? no, it's not an april fool's, go to www.activewin.com some day none of this will matter. you'll see. someone today looked at you weird, did you notice? sometimes you have to beat them to help them understand... statistics are like upskirts: what they show is suggestive, what they hide is vital the gamma factor equals one over the square root of one minus vee squared over see squared the last person on earth sat in his living room ... there was a nock at the door. the line must be drawn here, this far, no further the more i learn, the more i realize how little i know the number of the beast - vi vi vi the velocity of a moving object does NOT depend on its mass!!! there are two ways to write error-free programms. only the third one works! thinking --- you might get upset and burn a question mark on my lawn." -- Rev. Fred Small today is the last day of the worst of your life trust us we're entertainers try never to get drunk outside yr own house -jack kerouac use Me q(money, love, crutch); visualize whirled peas welcome to the monkeyhouse. where did all the good things go? the days when i didn't feel so low. i try, and try, to let you go. but still i wake up screaming "no!" where there is no hope there can be no fear who pays for your lies? who pays for your crimes? who pays for your pain? y'all got to get up on dreamcast - Ice Cube on The Daily Show you believed in all your lies, didn't you? didn't you? you can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead your lizard ate my penguin your smile is stretching but you're gonna go far Your file was so big. It might be very useful. But now it is gone. The website you seek Cannot be located, but Countless more exist. Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent and reboot. Order shall return. Aborted effort. Close all that you have worked on. You ask far too much. Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No-one hears your screams. Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. Windows is like that. Stay the patient course. Of little worth is your ire. The network is down. A crash reduces Your expensive computer To a simple stone. Three things are certain: Death, taxes and lost data. Guess which has occurred. You step in the stream, But the water has moved on. This page is not here. Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky, But we never will. Having been erased, The document you're seeking Must now be retyped. I ate your Web page. Forgive me; it was tasty And tart on my tongue AppleScript isn't fit to eat Python's Vomit-Omelette i have no capslock and i must scream Buffaloes are bullies. Who decides whether something is clever of funny or boring enough to get on the quip list? Democracy: When two wolfes and a sheep vote about what they should have for dinner... Welease Bwian! Konstigt, det funkade ju i morse... "As if!" -- Alicia Silverstone in Clueless Trust no one! (Fox Mulder, The X Files) I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the death your right to misattribute this quote to Voltaire. It's not what you do but who you do it with that matters! Come to the dark side, Luke - use LISP! Q: How many Newton users does it take to change a light bulb? A: Foux] there to eat lemons, axe gravy soup. So that's what an invisible wall looks like. No one likes a math geek, Scully. -- Fox Mulder, X Files Particle Man, Particle Man, doing the things a particle can... Dude! You're getting a Dell! There's only one thing that I know how to do well and I've often been told that you only can do what you know how to do well -- and that's be you, be what you're like, be like yourself -- and so I'm having a wonderful time but I'd rather be whistling in the dark. What is the speed of dark? Wer andre in die Mse beisst, ist bse meist! INFLUENCE, n. In politics, a visionary quo given in exchange for a substantial quid. - Ambrose Bierce I was Linux when Linux wasn't cool. 'you can never know what is meant by "A Bug's Life"' -- anonymous "Can you see there are plenty of bugs in the stomach of the lizard ?" Why go to high school, when you can go to school high? To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer Bahhhhh, It'll never work ! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I AM MOZILLA ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Buy low, sell when high. Hey, it hurts when I do this. Well don't do that. The fish flies at midnight. (croud goes wild) This page was intentionally left blank. And the beast shall be made legion. Its numbers shall be increased a thousand thousand fold. The din of a million keyboards like unto a great storm shall cover the earth, and the followers of Mammon shall tremble. -- The Book of Mozilla, 3:31 Mozilla sucks I want to be a womble; I want to see the sea; I want to live in rabbit land; I want to be with thee. Houston, we have a solution - "Mozilla" I am Jack's bug-tracking system. The kneebone's connected to the... something. The something's connected to the... red thing. The red thing's connected to my wrist watch. ...Uh oh -- Dr. Nick Riviera 'Tis the season for all larvae to evolve into reindeer, penguin, or other winged cub-like species. Merry XMas. The truest definition of the word " Totalitarian ": Total & complete manipulation by force. So, close those confounded Windows already!!!!!!- Soniclamb The entire Microsoft empire has crashed due to another malfunction in their software subscripition service of WinXP, a known variant of the ill-fated NT platforms. Here's more evidence why you must close those damned Windows & smell the fresh air with all Linux OS' Free! Free!! Thank God we've all been freed from Windows at last!!!!!!!!! If "actions speak louder than words", how is it that the "pen is mightier than the sword"? The more time there is to do a task, the less likely the task will be done. Confuzious says: "Man who stands on toilet is high on pot" I am governor Gerry Brown, I own a smile that never frowns, soon I will be president. So if I write a really good javascript, do you think Starbucks will help me get it published? chmod a+x /bin/Laden ; exec /bin/Laden Reading this text has had some sort of effect on you. Feel special. Very funny Scotty. Now beam down my clothes. Don't take life too seriously - you won't get out alive. The world is but a formal disc, and our lives the infinitesimal thickenings of the rigid crystal of society. Hey! They actually solved my bug... OPEN SOURCE - Live free or die. My hopeful vision of 2150: Student: "I learned about some company Microsoft that existed a long time ago at school today" Father (software engineer): "Microsoft, who?" Baby: The Other White Meat. repent and stuff, the end is nigh This is the last time I'm gonna tell you... Chance favors the prepared mind Confucious says "He who falls on dead rooster, goes down on limp cock" A rhinoceros is a horse designed by Micro$oft Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. If I could just find a midget with some gin I'ld be in business. why kate... you're not wearing a bustle. how lewd... - Val Kilmer as Doc Holliday in Tombstone cry, but dun die. moz, but dun ie. for love(of hate) will bind us all.. trying to solve everyone's problem end up solving no one problem. vice versa. All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand. Anhydrous quip. Poor 100ml of water into monitor to rehydrate. Anhydrous quote. Poor 100ml of water into monitor to rehydrate. If you're not confused, you're not paying attention. Smith & Wesson - The original point and click interface. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? - They Take The Psycho Path. How Do You Get Holy Water? - You Boil The Hell Out Of It. What Do Fish Say When They Hit A Concrete Wall? - Dam! What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice Too Long? - Polaroids What Do You Call A Boomerang That Doesn't work? - A Stick. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? - Nacho Cheese. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? - Subordinate Clauses. What Do You Get From A Pampered Cow? - Spoiled Milk. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? - A Nervous Wreck. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? - Because They Have Big Fingers. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? - Because It Scares The Dog. What Is The Difference Between A Harley And A Hoover? - The Location Of The Dirt Bag. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? - Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat. What's The Difference Between A Bad Golfer And A Bad Skydiver? - A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang... A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack. How Are A Texas Tornado And A Tennessee Divorce The Same? -Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer